(FoundationLife)

You might have heard about it online or over the airwaves in the last few days. Komen has pulled support from Planned Parenthood. In Planned Parenthood’s emailed press release, they stated,

“Planned Parenthood today expressed deep disappointment in response to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation’s decision to stop funding breast cancer prevention, screenings, and education at PlannedParenthood health centers. Anti-women’s health groups have repeatedly targeted and boycotted the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation for partnering with Planned Parenthood to provide these lifesaving cancer screenings and news articles suggest that the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation ultimately succumbed to these pressures. As a health care provider to more than 60,000 women in our community, Planned Parenthood is trusted a leader in helping women identify breast cancer early. Women are deeply alarmed that the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation appears to have succumbed to political pressure from a vocal minority”, said Sarah Stoesz, President and CEO of Planned Parenthood Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota (PPMNS). “For years, opponents of women’s health have waged an aggressive pressure campaign aimed at the Susan G. Komen Foundation at the expense of women’s health and lives. While not directly affected by the Komen Foundation’s decision making, PPMNS is deeply concerned about the troubling precedent of putting politics before women’s health. Last year alone, PPMNS provided 15,244 breast exams and screenings to women in the region who may not have otherwise had access to health care that would help them detect breast cancer early. In these tough economic times, more women than ever need access to essential health care services like lifesaving breast cancer screenings. Politics should never get in the way of a woman’s ability to access health care,” said Stoesz.

{Public Backlash}

NPR did an incredible follow-up Q&A that asked difficult questions surrounding the decision including numbers around the initial donation amount and follow-up donations to make up the gap. MS. Magazine, along with Breast Cancer Action pulled no punches, just the truth when revealing the underhanded motive that some believe Komen has.  The Atlantic has reported that a top Komen executive has resigned over the decision to cut funding to Planned Parenthood. Having been on-air with radio, television and writing numerous articles about Komen, I’ve been all too aware of pink corruption.

{What Is Komen Thinking?}

It’s always been how Komen has visualized Breast Cancer with pink, happy, feather-boas… but I cannot shake the pink disgust and sexualization of cancer. I carry the gene and am fluent about checking monthly and visiting my gynecologist regularly. I beat cancer with my cervix and I abhor how women’s cancers have been overtaken by one, single, color. On-air, online and in print I speak passionately about defying the ideology of the PINK and making our own decisions. Komen pulled support for a program that helped the underserved and rural populations that Planned Parenthood wasn’t able to reach. With the government consistently cutting funding to regional and local Planned Parenthood clinics, (5 in just 2011,) it’s clear that the money given to Planned Parenthood was needed. More so, reading for just a few moments on WomensHealth.gov, signals a direct increase of minority cancers and death with one risk factor being early diagnosis and prevention. There is a war on health in our nation and making healthcare affordable, accessible and manageable. No one can dispute that. What many pro-life organizations do try to dispute is Planned Parenthood’s relevancy in today’s market. Two myths are prevalent and taught among these organizations.

{Two Huge Myths}

1.  Abortion causes Breast Cancer. Debunked many years ago, even Cancer.gov testifies that abortions have NO effect on breast cancer risk factors. In the study it’s stated “having an abortion or miscarriage does not increase a woman’s subsequent risk of developing breast cancer. A summary of their findings can be found in the Summary Report.”  Source: Summary Report: Early Reproductive Events and Breast Cancer Workshop

2. Abortions are mainly a way for minorities to eliminate pregnancy.  Guttmacher has some staggering statistics on abortion. Most interesting to me, is the breakdown of equality among nationalities who decide to get abortions and the reasons for terminating a pregnancy.

• Non-Hispanic white women account for 36% of abortions, non-Hispanic black women for 30%, Hispanic women for 25% and women of other races for 9%.[6]

• Forty-two percent of women obtaining abortions have incomes below 100% of the federal poverty level ($10,830 for a single woman with no children).[6]

• Twenty-seven percent of women obtaining abortions have incomes between 100–199% of the federal poverty level.* [6]

• The reasons women give for having an abortion underscore their understanding of the responsibilities of parenthood and family life. Three-fourths of women cite concern for or responsibility to other individuals; three-fourths say they cannot afford a child; three-fourths say that having a baby would interfere with work, school or the ability to care for dependents; and half say they do not want to be a single parent or are having problems with their husband or partner.[7]

• The risk of abortion complications is minimal: Fewer than 0.3% of abortion patients experience a complication that requires hospitalization.[11]

• Exhaustive reviews by panels convened by the U.S. and British governments have concluded that there is no association between abortion and breast cancer. There is also no indication that abortion is a risk factor for other cancers.[12]

{The Reality of What Planned Parenthood Offers}

Let’s look at the breakdown of Planned Parenthood’s services, (collected from their most recent reporting numbers. Available here.)

STD Testing and Treatment — 38.0 Percent of services in 2010

Contraception — 33.5 Percent of services in 2010

Cancer Screening and Prevention — 14.5 Percent of services in 2010

Abortion services — 3.0 Percent of services in 2010

Other services (Includes, Family Practice Services, Adoption Referrals to Other Agencies, Other Procedures.)— 0.6 Percent of services in 2010

{Why Planned Parenthood Matters}

This morning, while scrolling through my twitter feed I saw someone state, “Get over Komen/PP. Move on.”  I sat for a while and decided if it warrantied a reply, or anything to give it more validation than was deserved. I replied carefully, though my fingers and mind told me to do otherwise. I tweeted, “Every time someone says, “It’s time to shut-up about the Komen/PP thing,” I say, “That’s how they win.” A cause isn’t a one-time statement.” When you believe in something as I believe in healthcare equality, you don’t ‘shut-up.’ Last year I was invited to speak on Capitol Hill and address our current Congress and Administration on misleading guidelines and the cost of care. I was featured in Planned Parenthood’s newsletter not so long ago. As a woman who had a pre-existing condition of cervical cancer and couldn’t afford $3-5k for single treatments to her cervix. Planned Parenthood made my treatment affordable and offered me a place when my insurance refused to pay for anything with my cervix. I am a healthy 30 year old caucasian woman in a metro area. If I was a minority woman in a rural area, I might have not been able to FIND prevention or treatment without a local Planned Parenthood clinic. In fact, minorities are screened FAR LESS for cancers by their physicians or emergency care than their caucasian counterparts.

“Among subgroups, Asians were found to be the least likely to be screened for breast cancer (64.1%), compared with Hispanics (69.7%), African-Americans (73.2%), and whites (72.8%). For cervical cancer, Asians also led the decline with 75.4%, compared with 78.7% for Hispanics, 85% for African-Americans, and 83.4% for whites. People with no health insurance or those relying on hospital emergency departments for medical attention were only 36.2% likely to get tested for breast cancer, and 64.9% for cervical cancer. By comparison, the percentages for people with regular access to health care were 75.4% and 86.4%, respectively.” –  Forbes.com

 

{Not A Pro-Life / Pro-Choice Issue}

When we fail to meet care guidelines for each demographic, we fail to properly adhere to a model of equality, no matter race, class, sexual orientation, religious belief or otherwise. And frankly, we are failing. I’m not here to write about pro-life or pro-choice mentalities. I truly believe that no one wants to have an abortion. The mental anxiety and anguish and subsequent judgement is noted by every woman who walks into a clinic to discuss or have the procedure. The fact is, Komen’s refusal to support Planned Parenthood goes much deeper than a pro-life / pro-choice debate. It goes to the heart of WHO the Susan G. Komen Foundation is and eliminates any belief in my mind of their motive to slowly take over the face of women’s health at any costs. Komen has proven their irresponsibility to women’s health in far greater ways including*:

Refusing to invest in environmental factors that lead to cancer – Source

Using donor funds to eliminate small and hometown charities using, “cure” in their name – Source

Selling multiple items with known and investigated carcinogens – Source

Huge ties with Pharmaceutical companies and Congress  - Source

*Although I’m aware of all the above, I specifically picked sources from simply using google with the phrases and keywords above.

{Think For Yourself}

When I taught Keith Ferrazzi’s masterclass, I said, “You will be nothing unless you bare your soul.” For our healthcare system and equality to change, our voices are needed now, more than ever. Even if you are unsure where you stand in the Komen / Planned Parenthood debate, educate yourself about what is at stake and Komen’s choices. You can visit Breast Cancer Action, Think Before You Pink, Pink Ribbon Blues and others. A few of my past articles and podcasts are below.

Podcast: GirlTalk with Marlo: Cervical Cancer- 2011

Podcast: GirlTalk with Marlo: The Pink De-Revolution - 2010

Article: Re-Think Your Pitch: Q&A With A National Brand Over Sexualizing Breast Cancer – 2011

Article: {Defrauding} How Defunding Planned Parenthood will Defraud MN Women of Accessible and Affordable Healthcare – 2011

Article: The Trouble With Pink – 2010

Article: Pink Ribbons = Company Profit – 2009

Joey, quit. He quit with a marching band, on YouTube and to his employer’s great dismay, he cited that they, “treated me like sh*t.” After seeing this video for the first time, all I could do was shake my head and wonder if Joey realizes how his actions might be perceived for an entire generation that tires of the label videos and tirades like his give them. Millennials are in the fight of their lives to add-value to workplaces and tear off the labels of their cohorts.

They tell me,  I’m part of the “X” Generation.  About.com cites that we are, independent, resourceful and self-sufficient. In the workplace. I think we’ve lived through tremendous change and appreciate getting our hands dirty. But, not all generations are what they seem.

I watched my parents work very hard, with my father rising up the corporate ladder of a Fortune 500 company to a position with an Executive chair that he worked hard to claim. I also saw, firsthand the stress that came with long-hours, weekday travel and my dad’s ability to keep work and life separate. He won the war as there was always delicious food on the table, gifts on birthdays and enough hugs to keep me beaming. My work ethic comes from him, and my guilt over wanting to be the perfect parent comes from him as well. I’ve long-agreed with the Generation “X” examples, but I’m also aware of a booming generation of people my age moving home to their parents. All generations are multi-faceted. However, I’ve not seen a backlash against one generation like I’ve watched with the Millennial.  Often cited as “lazy” and “selfish,” this generation is going to have to start reclaiming their labels to win their PR war.

Joey is the 23 year old featured in the video above. He worked at the Renaissance Providence Hotel in Rhode Island for a few years and after unionizing his workplace, he decided to quit in a very immature, and ridiculous way. Joey is one of several million Millennials.

“I hated them, and they hated me,” DeFrancesco tells HuffPost, speaking of management at the Renaissance Providence Hotel, where he worked in room service. “It was this big drawn-out war we were having with management … I knew I had to get one last shot at them.”

Although Joey has gall, the rest of the Millennials I’ve spoken to are annoyed that he is giving their generation a bad name. In fact, most Millennials I’ve discussed generational divides with don’t want to be labeled as Joey comes across, “rash, rude, defamatory and selfish.”  Ouch. What I find so disturbing is not that some YouTube videos and Millennial blogs are living up to their labels, but that the positive and inspiring examples of the same generation, are often forgotten.

Sife.org is one of my favorite organizations, not only for their incredible purpose and passion, but for the face they are giving an often-slighted generation. The GOOD often goes unrecognized. While there are millions of “Joeys,” they are also millions of Millennials that encompass the spirit of “SIFE” students. Secretary Clinton recently spoke to SIFE students, commending them on their ability to create a better world.

The ultimate question remains, why do we glorify in temper-tantrums gone horribly, horribly, viral while we ignore such positive impacts by the same generation?  Joey’s fame will fade as his hits on YouTube do, however; other young adults are cultivating greatness across the globe. They are the ones who deserve the media attention.

I received a very strange email a few days ago. Press Invites/Releases make up about 30% of my email inbox. Often, I’ll do a skim and delete, or I’ll contact the sender for more information.  The pitches are usually meaningful and as a journalist, I appreciate the time a decent release takes. However, the heading on this one truly was hard to miss.  You can read the entire press release here: http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/reverb-media-press-release/.

The first thing I did was to check the sender, (Reverb Media) and make sure that someone hadn’t accidentally hacked their account. About 3 seconds later it dawned on me: Someone is actually using this headline for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I found out it was a phone app that reminded you to be screened for breast cancer, with ‘hot men.’ That’s it. Three things immediately went through my head:

1.) Someone’s going to get fired.

2.) Can you imagine a masectomy survivor reading this and knowing that yet again, someone else is trying to push breast cancer only involving the… breasts? Can you imagine her outrage wishing that she still HAD her breasts?

3.) They must be joking. It must be a catchy headline, (worked for me!) I’ll open it, a heartfelt apology will flow and they will be donating a huge amount to a well-known organization.

“No matter the cancer, we should be supporting those left picking up the pieces.  Pink products, small ribboned novelties and otherwise fantastically-marketed crap really do nothing for women who are battling their fears, bodies and for the rights to a cancer-free-life.  Until the world finds another way to develop a cure, I’ll speak out on #PinkWashing, coined from my friend @RickBert.” – Kate Madonna Hindes

I decided to dig deeper. The release was crafted by to entities: John St. and Reverb Media. I’ve heard of John St. and have a lot of respect for their craft, unfortunately that’s no longer the case. I’ve also heard of Reverb, most recently because of their 2010 lawsuit claiming that they falsified reviews in the Itunes Store for profit. And I’ve heard of the ‘non profit’ behind this newest push for prevention. Know those “Save The Boobs!” bracelets that are in the news for the ACLU lawsuits and schools banning them? That’s these guys: RethinkBreastCancer.org. One click on their website tells you exactly what their after. In fact, in the press release itself, under “Save The Boobs!” the link pulls up a youtube video. After I sat with my mouth gaping open, I decided to screenshot this gigantic mess in its disgusting, man-centered glory. For those that are easily offended, I recommend you don’t click play on the video below. If you’d like a play by play on the video and their falsified statistics, visit here.

I asked for a few questions to be answered about the mobile application the press release was pitching. The following is the completely unedited Q&A  I engaged with the organization:

MJ DeCoteau, Executive Director: Rethink Breast Cancer, www.rethinkbreastcancer.com

Questions:

1.) Why did you choose a phone app instead of ipad?

2.) Since this is launching to women, (young and old,) do you have any concerns over the ‘sexualizing’ of the disease that has been written up recently in Forbes, the NYT and the Washington Journal?

3.) Although early detection is important, there are many other factors that can save lives such as environmental, genetic, etc.

4.) How does this engage with the survivor population?

Answers:

1.)“As ‘Your Man Reminder’ is the first Rethink Breast Cancer App we wanted to focus on iPhone and Android, as they are mobile devices that women carry with them at all times.  iPad, and other tablet devices, are certainly a great way for us to reach women with our early detection message and its definitely on our minds for Phase 2!”

2.) The use of “hot guys” as a reminder for women to be breast aware is actually a clever twist on the typical sexualizing of the disease. This is not the usual “booby” campaign that is emphasizing women’s breasts as sexual objects. Both approaches, if done with humour and sensitivity,  can bring attention to early detection and help save women’s lives.

3.) Although early detection is important, there are many other factors that can save lives such as environmental, genetic, etc. The app is one of a host of Rethink Breast Cancer’s education tools and resources, including ones that focus on risk reduction through lifestyle changes. In our efforts to empower young women, Rethink encourages women to know their risk for developing breast cancer as well as strategies to reduce their risk and to be breast aware and know the importance of early detection. The app is a great example of one of our bold efforts to help young women take charge of their breast health.

4.) How does this engage with the survivor population? Many breast cancer survivors (of all ages) have embraced our creative, and sometimes irreverent, education and early detection initiatives. Many of the young women in our breast cancer support programs are excited about this app and will help us spread the word about it through social media. They think it’s critical that young women know their risk for breast cancer and believe this app can break through the clutter of young women’s busy daily lives and help take some of the fear out of using early detection methods.

It was the question to #2 that immediately stopped me dead in my tracks. This particular sexualization and including men is just a “clever twist.” So what does it app do? A few good – looking men remind you and your girlfriends to get screened and participate in early prevention of the disease. Which frankly has been done better by just about every, other campaign out there. To speak to younger women Ms. DeCoteau, you don’t need hot men or a history of sexualizing the population of MTV video watchers, (who smoke, drink and take birth control: all added risks to Breast Cancer you don’t discuss.) When you equate beautiful breasts to beautiful women and breast cancer to fear, you in fact are telling young women: “All that matters is that you look great in a bikini, get checked!”

Creating hot and ‘cutting-edge’ ads over a very deadly disease has it’s risks and unfortunately in today’s day and age: no longer works. We know breast cancer exists. Komen has partnerships with major drug companies that also manufacture known carcinogens in pesticides. The Yoplait “Lids for a Cure” campaign was busted after it was found that Yoplait uses RGBH in their yogurt: a known breast cancer causer. Komen’s own perfume, “Promise Me,” has ingredients that cause breast cancer. Why are we still investing in prevention when the cure is right under our nose? The true reason? Cancer is profitable.

One thing is certain, ReThinkBreastCancer is not afraid to pack the ‘sexy’ punches behind the disease, but they do seem to be afraid to tell the true statistics. Judging by their latest 2010 financials, they’ve been wildly successful. CharityNavigator.com has no record or account of their non-profit, which might be because they are a Canadian charity, I just have two questions: Should we protect women, or just the breasts? Where’s the multi-cultural representation within their ads and website? (African American women make up the largest number of breast cancer deaths, though on Rethink’s website, I had yet to find one African American woman.) If we’re only protecting breasts before they’re gone, what happens to those who have lost their breasts? In today’s society of ‘sex sells,’ are we setting young women up for failure to maintain their sense of self-worth after cancer? Someone please, wake me up when October ends. Surely the survivors and those that have passed away from breast cancer deserve so much more than these poor attempts at ‘prevention.’ It’s time for a cure.

For more reading:

Gayle Sulik is a pioneer in defining the sexualization of breast cancer awareness. You can read her pieces here: http://gaylesulik.com/2011/04/boobies-i-said-it-now-may-i-have-your-attention-please/

Pink Ribbons = Company Profit: 2010′s article on Breast Cancer Pinkwashing- http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/2009/09/23/pink-ribbons-company-profit/

Huffington Post: “Save The Boobs” : Is Breast Cancer Awareness Ad Too Sexy? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/09/24/save-the-boobs-is-this-br_n_298349.html

ABC News: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/save-boobs-breast-cancer-psas-raise-eyebrows/story?id=8646632

The Volante Online: http://www.volanteonline.com/opinion/column-stop-sexualizing-breast-cancer-1.2391523

New York Times: The Code Words Of Breast Cancer Awareness: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/14/magazine/14FOB-wwln-t.html

Why would Target.com allow GoogleAds onto their page? Did they actually need the revenue? I was running the session in Firefox so the first thing I checked was if the ads still came up in Chrome and they did. I also clicked around to other places on the Target.com website. When I clicked on kid’s bedding, even MORE ads came up underneath:

Even a widely-known competitor to Target was listed: Sams Club.  Why would Target needs the clicks so much it that it was helping advertise to it’s competitor? Imagine walking into a Target store and heading over to the camera aisle, but you were stopped and handed a brochure with ‘keywords’ reminding you that Target’s competition carried the same items, perhaps without the hassle of being stalked with ads or being followed around with annoying reminders. I chose Target because of their sale. And I left Target.com, feeling disgusted with their Ads practice.

I’m a Google FanGirl and Google Ads are a reason a lot of websites are able to operate and continue, however: the owner of each website allows the ads, not Google. Target basically said, “We don’t value you. We’re going to try to sell you something else. Click here! We need the revenue!” The entire practice spoke loudly. Target may be trendy, red and hip, but they’ve completely missed the mark on customer service. If you advertise to your competitors, you’ll lose out on your market. How do I know? I searched one of the Olympus websites advertised and am going to buy my lens from there. National Camera and Video is close to where I live and they have used lenses for far cheaper than new. Had I not visited Target.com, I would have never known. Plus, they didn’t advertise anything but their great prices.

I’m reminded of a commercial from 2008: Ironic, isn’t it?

Is this the future of SEO? Should websites be allowed to buy subdomains of other websites to sell or profit off of? Could this be a new form of hacking? Since the subdomains are listed as a part of the IP hosts of TodaysBigThing, I doubt hacking is the obvious answer. This could bring to light shady practices within the online marketing industry or just plain strange SEO behavior. All these websites are hosted on 1und1.de which simply means, there could be some sort of ‘deal’ going on. What do you think is going on here?

(c) GMG

What was astonishing, was the way these signs were thrown on the ground after they were done being used. They were not thrown away, or carried with the marchers, they were thrown down for someone else to clean up.  That is EXACTLY what is happening in our Nation.  If you are going to throw down your words and anger, back them up with real solutions.  Defunding Planned Parenthood will not stop abortions or alleviate America’s debt. What it will do is cause a ripple effect with women and men who cannot afford the rising prices of medical care. This action will defund our OWN bank accounts and make everything our foremothers worked so hard for, obsolete. This display of blatant disregard with signs littering Washington DC was brought to you by the Right to Life Marchers of 2011. For more photos, click here.

I grew up in a very, Catholic, family. My father was on the parish council, my mother counted the money given on Sunday. Altar Girl, Eucharistic Minister, Director of Youth Ministry. I attended Catholic schools then Catholic college and I wrote for a national Catholic publication for almost a decade. If there was ever a child that should have never strayed, I was it.

As a single woman I had a child and at her baptism, I was humilated. I started seeing the small parts of organized religion that terrified me. It wasn’t just Catholicism or any other religion, it was the near-sighted mentality that the world could be fixed if we all kept our babies.  I saw behind the judgmental attitudes, the Pollyanna outlook, the Draconian ideals. I started not believing in Catholicism at all. I however, did believe in my family. I know they saw something with great intentions and I know my father’s heart couldn’t be in the wrong place.

I know I alienated myself and I can see the sadness in my father’s eyes or hear it in his voice that I gave up on something so vital to his own well-being.  Three Christmases ago, my father wrote me a heartbreaking letter telling me the only thing he wanted was for me to go back to Church. My parents home is filled with crosses and paintings of saints and Jesus all of which I took down in my own room during the year I lived there after my daughter was born. A few family members that are Catholic online, don’t reach out to me; we don’t speak. A few months ago when I was in Washington D.C., to speak on Capitol Hill, part of my family was there for the pro-life march. They carried “Defund Planned Parenthood,” signs. I never would have imagined that a few short months later, everyone’s wishes would come true. They’ve done it, with their marches and their short-sightedness. Somewhere in Wisconsin there are women wondering how they will get affordable care.

What I’m having trouble understanding tonight is how the world has become such a wretched, ignorant place.  Last year the Archdioses of St. Paul mailed DVDs as a pathetic attempt to remind their parishioners that marriage is only for a man and a woman. This year, Churches are putting the pressure on legislators and congressmen and women to defund one of the nation’s most important health care options for the uninsured or underinsured. While insurance corporations are making record profits from not insuring the very people they pledged to protect our government is being pressured to stop funding the ONLY source for some women to get pre-natal care, mammograms, cervical cancer care and more.

It’s come to this: It truly doesn’t matter anymore whether you are PRO-LIFE or PRO-CHOICE.  We need to decide to be PRO-PEOPLE.  I can tell you from someone who’s had to make difficult choices in life and watching friends,  NO woman wants an abortion. If I was faced with that decision, I’m not sure what I’d do. What we want is the foresight to know what will happen and a money tree to immediately alleviate our concerns.  I am a single mother and as I wrote to Rep. John Kline, without Planned Parenthood, I will not get adequate care for cervical cancer check-ups. Until the new laws take affect, I am uninsurable and pre-existing conditions rule my life.  What happens to my daughter, because I am stuck in the mess of insurance red tape? Why aren’t our bills directed towards our fellow Americans and getting them GOOD care?

In 2011, we are still denying the GLBT community the basic rights that go with matrimony.  And, we are slowly allowing a mentality to take over that denies women BASIC rights to their own bodies and their own affordable care.  It’s no longer an issue that we have to choose a side, what is becoming an issue is that we are actually scapegoating a courageous organization from giving basic care to the population it serves.  If Planned Parenthood no longer practiced abortions, we would go back centuries where women died trying to end their pregnancies. This is now becoming a human right’s issue with big corporations and Churches lobbying to revoke tax dollars spent on making sure people are getting affordable contraceptives and care. In all reality, there would be more deaths than having legal ways to terminate a pregnancy.

This is a call to action for those both PRO-LIFE and PRO-CHOICE.  Look beyond the abortion aspect and realize that in Minnesota, 6 Planned Parenthood clinics are already closing. Where will the women of Thief River Falls, Brainerd, Red Wing, Owatonna, Albert Lea and Fairmont go? What if they cannot afford to drive hours away for a simple pap smear? What will happen when there is no one to give them affordable contraception and they are actually forced to choose an abortion? More importantly: Who are we to judge.

If we are truly pro-life, we must practice mentality outside of marching or yelling or picketing. We must offer REAL sex education to our sons and daughters, affordable care to other women and be willing to give of ourselves to make sure that each child conceived has the tools for LIFE, not just a ‘church lady’ blanket given at a crisis pregnancy center. We need to LISTEN and be willing to sacrifice of ourselves if we truly stand behind our beliefs.

If we are truly pro-choice, it’s time to tell our stories and give more of ourselves to those struggling around us. We cannot hide behind what the women before us worked so hard for. We need to work just as hard to educate and listen to those who may not agree.

Maybe you’re like me, and you look at your daughter asleep in her bed and wonder what might have happened if you didn’t have two very angry, but very supportive parents at 25.  Maybe you can see both sides, but you’re the one being affected by clinics closing, or unaffordable care, in that case- this is for you. It’s time for us to step up too, tell our stories and be willing to heartfully stand for what we believe. Maybe you’re just a little sick of hearing that your uterus and the decisions concerning it belong to someone else. If Michele Bachmann and John Kline would like my uterus, it’s theirs. Without Planned Parenthood, I won’t be able to get the care to keep it; and doesn’t that say it all.

Please follow @PPMN for up-to-date news concerning cuts and funding.

I’m a big believer that if we bring WHO we are to the table, we are more genuine, brilliant and human than hiding any of our weaknesses or strengths.  The chat continued and all of a sudden I looked to the person next to me and said, “Oh no… my quote… has be re-attributed.”  Neil Gaiman is a word-genuis,  so until I saw columns and columns of the quote being tweeted, (not retweeted,)  I didn’t worry.  Then, I scrolled down. Over 200+ tweets. As an author, my words are like my children. I know Neil would understand. So I sent out a brief message.

Oh Noes….

Someone caught that I originally had said the quote.  She was familiar and when I opened her profile on Twitter I gasped.  Hayley Williams: Superstar Extraordinaire.  had apologized for attributing the original quote. Seriously.  And then she told me she was going to dinner.  I invited her to Minneapolis, (because we rock.) And then? I started talking about the NY Marriage debate.

Oh My God….

And it was a moment, like running into your ex-boyfriend while wearing sweatpants and smeared mascara; I didn’t know what to say.  Not wanting to make a big deal about it,  I thought about not saying anything at all, but I did.  So that’s the time one of my favorite rockstars tweeted me and when I was floored by Neil Gaiman’s brilliance on Twitter.

Update: I am proud to say that today, my website was a #NeilWebFail and I’m utterly honored.  Two fantastic and brilliant people chatted with me in one week. I’m going to be on a high for years!

You can see the forward here: http://yougottobekidding.wordpress.com/2011/04/21/miss-airport-calendar-2011/

If that wasn’t already disrespectful enough, it ended with this, almost as if to say, “We can one-up whatever you’re feeling.”

It’s not often I am so worked up by an email, but this one came from a friend of mine whose father saw his wife battle with cancer. I actually forwarded it onto my dad, cc’ing the original person who sent it to me.  I included, “You think this is funny? Tell my father. He’s seen both his wife and daughter battle cancer and insurance. Let’s see what he has to say.”

It’s one thing to objectify women and it’s another to take that objectification to another level and try to make light of the fact that MOST women can’t afford cancer care.  Maybe it’s because I see women everyday who are harmed by this type of mentality- the idea that, ‘we’re just joking.’  Whoever made this forward should be ashamed.  Think it’s funny? Spend a visit with me when I go into the doctor and know that NONE of my cancer visits are covered, because big Insurance considers it a pre-existing condition.  When you have to choose between your health and food on the table, then you won’t find it so, ‘hilarious.’  Think it’s still funny? I’m happy to get you my recent pap results. You might think twice before forwarding this on.

“If anyone had any doubt that most government-run jobs agencies (including unemployment offices) have no idea what they’re doing, here’s confirmation.”

Here’s the synopsis: (read the full article here.)  Some government agency green-lighted over $73k to make superhero capes for those unemployed.  Someone finally realized the huge mismanagement of the funds and said, “stop.”  They stopped.  Now the press and some snarky bloggers have taken this as another reason to bash government workforce agencies.  Because I proudly worked for the State of Minnesota and helped facilitate and author their job search curriculum, I’m a little perplexed anytime someone spews hatred about those that work long, thankless hours at less pay.  If there was a cool club, where we were able to be lazy, overpaid.. well, I wasn’t invited and neither were my coworkers.

Part of my duties were facilitating workshops, creating materials and spreading the word.  The other parts, that often yielded even better results were one-on-one meetings with those on welfare or state aid.  We tried the program with 10 participants originally.  All met with me on-time, and had interviews lined up within a month. As one participant told me, “I just needed someone to see I was something.”  It changed my entire perspective on government and those receiving government aid.  It changed my perspective on the human race.  But what do I know? I just write books and crap.

Fast forward to today, when I read the article and the snarky response by a blogger I normally rave about.  I felt the urge to reply, but only to state that, it’s true: $73k was overspent.  But those capes, weren’t necessarily a bad idea.  Job seekers often forget their worth, accomplishments and ‘superhero’ factors.  Those who are chronically un-employed or under-employed are treated much different, and NEED to be treated different than the average person out of work.  The average person out of work at a $50k or higher job needed little coaxing.  Usually higher-level job seekers respond well to reminders to network, resume suggestions and ‘out-of-the-box’ ideas.  Older job seekers, or those chronically unemployed or under-employed often hold hidden personality and self-esteem issues, larger than the occasionally-unemployed job seeker. (Which isn’t to say the occasional job seeker doesn’t need encouragement and inspiration after a devastating loss.)

So, was I really out of line for actually suggesting a paper cape with a website tie-in, (connecting to how job seekers can find their super-hero skills,) would be that far out of line?  For Minnesota, we wrote an entire chapter on ‘overcoming loss’ and finding ‘yourself’ after a job loss in the award-winning, “Creative Job Search,” book.  Spending money on real capes, (as I stated,) was insane. (Someone pointed out that desperate, depressed people might try to KILL themselves with those capes.) … and that’s when I walked away from the computer.

Apparently, the idea that ANY government agency would hand out capes, (paper or otherwise,) is utterly condescending.  And boy, did I really start a flame war by speaking, (all kumbaya-like,) about the absolute NEED to help job seekers realize and re-establish their credibility in themselves.  I apparently needed a cape to hang, myself.

What Color Is Your Parachute? Who moved my Cheese? …. All these inspirational books, (and more,) should be tossed out of the window of ANY government job search agency. (How condescending!)  We’re not mice!  We’re not people who jump out of flying contraptions? We’re accountants and CEO’s and Welders and Administrative Assistants!   And, just telling job seekers, “get back to work!” is working, so well, right now.

It’s not because I believe in positivity,  it’s because I looked into the eyes of those who sat in classes, (and still do at the ones I teach across the nation,) and their eyes tell me, “I am lost.”  A friend of mine recently wrote a manuscript on the premises of finding your inner superhero.  I read an advanced copy and loved it.  Why?  Because even sometimes, in the middle of my day, I’m too focused on tasks and less focused on the bigger picture.  Should job seekers wear the cape to an interview? Nope.  But the first thing I do when I teach a class is to have them write down three, questions that answer:

1.) Who AM I?

2.) What Am I Passionate About?

3.) What Am I Living Out-Loud?

No one ever said their answers or the questions felt condescending.  Sure, those few minutes could be spent on “RESUMES!” or “COVER LETTERS!” But the point is: If a job seeker doesn’t feel worth ANY position, the state will be paying benefits longer and more throughout the person’s lifetime than someone who is offered the opportunity to be built up, instead of made to feel like one in a mass of the unemployed.

Would a mass mailing of capes have solved the unemployment problem in Florida? Heck no.  Would it have been criticized even if the capes were paper? (Sure.)  Would it be important to reach out to job seekers and remind them that they CAN do it, to drop into their local Workforce Centers for help and enroll for classes? Absolutely. States receive and dictate their funding often by need.  For the State of MN Workforce Center System, it was important they met the numbers and projections to receive more income.  Those numbers directly aligned to people in seats and programs.  The State was ALWAYS looking at new ways to draw people in to use the free resources it offered.

One afternoon, I sat in my chair waiting for my next appointment and someone walked in, with a bundle of papers in her hand.  She was in my office for over 2 hours.  When I walked her to the front, we were both crying.  She had been living in her car, signed up for classes and had been doing all the right steps, but this was the first time anyone asked her, “How are you doing, REALLY?”  She broke down for a half-hour and we were able to locate other services for her.  Know what might have been great on a small flyer, with a superhero cape printed on it?  How are you, REALLY?

The emotional and mental states of our communities job seekers affect us not only as a community, but financially as well.

Florida state, after acknowledging they needed to withdraw their campaign, said this:

“Workforce Central Florida has listened to the public, and will be withdrawing our admittedly out-of-the-box creative campaign, ‘Cape-A-Bility Challenge’ later today,” Board Chairman Owen Wentworth said in a statement obtained by the Sentinel. “Even though it seemed to offend some, it was the farthest thing from our intention, which was to introduce our programs and services to job seekers and employers who need them.”

It makes you wonder, although it wasn’t the best way to utilize funding, their heart was in the right place.  I’m not sure the government would win at anything it tries to do.  Because it’s certainly losing the battle with even trying when the message is diluted in the atmosphere.

When we tear people down, instead of build them up, or we forget to acknowledge that there’s a barrier and reason that they are unable to discover their strengths, we might as well have fired them again and again.  Is it the State’s job to empower it’s public after corporations devalue them?  Only if they want to have a thriving and healthy community, again.  Otherwise, you have the attack that’s going on over here.  I’m not ashamed I said it, because someone had to.

My favorite author has always been Charlotte Brontë.  She happened to write one of my most beloved novels, “Jane Eyre,” and because Charlotte was a woman, she was forced to use a pen name to be taken seriously.  When asked why she ultimately chose the name she did, Brontë responded:

“Averse to personal publicity, we veiled our own names under those of Currer, Ellis and Acton Bell; the ambiguous choice being dictated by a sort of conscientious scruple at assuming Christian names positively masculine, while we did not like to declare ourselves women, because—without at that time suspecting that our mode of writing and thinking was not what is called ‘feminine’ — we had a vague impression that authoresses are liable to be looked on with prejudice; we had noticed how critics sometimes use for their chastisement the weapon of personality, and for their reward, a flattery, which is not true praise.”  (Source)

Charlotte couldn’t write under her own name.  In a day and age when women were marginalized and forgotten, Charlotte’s determination to stand out speaks for itself.  Why, oh why, are we marginalizing other women writers? You can probably guess where I’m going with this.  Ladies of the internet, this is a call to action.

In the scheme of our existence, does it matter if a mother chooses to have a cesarean, not breastfeed or feed her child non-organic food?  Over the past few months, the intolerance over other’s choices has ramped up to such an extent that our credibility, as women writers is plummeting.  Apparently, others are noticing it, too.   Julie Kosbab, a local bicycle blogger reached out with her own story of female-on-female intolerance.  After  dressing her sweet baby girl, “all in blue,” she was declared “trying to turn her daughter into a lesbian,” by other mothers.  (I’ll give you a moment to digest that one.)  The internet isn’t for waging wars on parenting choices, so one person can feel superior while the other feels wronged.  The internet certainly isn’t for some of the comments on Kim’s recent guest blog on her personal choice to have a Cesarean.  When we pollute the internet with superiority and entitlement, we push ourselves back to the days before women could write under their own names.  Who are we to attack each other’s belief systems?

I spent a half-hour tonight skimming male parenting blogs. Very few elicited the same negative commentary I’ve seen on female parenting sites.  As many of you know, I quite vocally spoke out against the new breed of, “Mommybloggers,” almost a year ago. Want to see the post? It’s right here. Now, it seems the elitism has skyrocketed to a high that is both negative to all women writers and limiting to our fields.  If we wish to be taken seriously as, “Working Mothers,” and true writers,  we must stop being, mean-spirited mothers.  And more?  We need to stop criticizing each other’s choices. We’re WRITERS. We are not just mothers, or bloggers. (And certainly, we’re worth more than putting those two terms together.)  I actually state in my rider that I refuse to acknowledge the term, “Mommyblogger,” because I was a published writer before Ava and I will continue to be, after.  Hopefully, so will you.

It’s a call to arms… are we finally going to listen?

Did you know that women are actually in leadership positions? This article explains that while they are in positions, they aren’t represented as they should be.  This is probably the only truth in the entire piece.  How many women are in executive roles?  Women on Business proclaims the ratio is 10-1, (10 being males in the role, women being 1.)  In a recent study for the State of California, the following was found:

- Women hold only 10.4% of the board seats and highest-paid executive officer positions. That’s one woman for every nine men in the top leadership roles at these 400 high-profile public companies.

- 122 (more than 30%) of California’s 400 largest public companies have no women in a top executive position or on the board of directors.

- Half of the 400 companies have no woman among their executive officers.

- 47% percent have no woman in the boardroom.

- Only 13 of these 400 companies have a woman CEO.

Results are similar across the national landscape.  Dozens after dozens of articles have focused on the lack of women in leadership roles.  Someday, one of these articles might sink in, but until then, we have gems like Ms. Ella L. J. Edmondson Bell, PhD, to remind us about how, “backstabbing” and “throat slashing,” us women can be.  (Yes, she really said that.)  To me this is equal to saying, “Like, women should be allowed to be like, leaders… but like… they twirl their hair and like, they’re just pretty… you know?” What good to we do for females or males to perpetuate myths that women are backstabbers and throat slashers and men are not?

Women’s brains are wired to communicate.  However, good business leaders excel not because of their sexual wiring, but because of their ability to run corporations.  To literally state that it’s WOMEN’S work to bring our corporations back to “kumbaya,” is not only sexist, it’s just plain offensive.  Why do we always assume that a woman has to ‘act’ like a woman to be successful?  The same holds true for those that say to be in a man’s role, a woman must act like a ‘man.’  How about, a woman acts like a fantastic business leader?  In fact, I just wrote a piece for international company, CRAVE focusing on the role of sex and leadership.  The more we perpetuate the sexist claims that only women are good at communicating and only men can bring out their balls in the boardroom, the farther back we place ourselves from the ultimate goal of equality.  And really, do we need to use strong language for men and softer language like this for women?

“So what does this mean for the corporate culture and the nature of work with more women in the workplace than ever? Will we see a feminist Nirvana, filled with benevolent leaders? Will the new workplace be more “kumbaya” and less “off with their heads?”  (Women Leaders In The Workplace, Ella L. J. Edmondson Bell, PhD)

Everytime we write the sentance, “women leaders proved they can be as tough, decisive and competitive as men,” a feminist foremother rolls over in her grave. Why? Because we no longer need to explain that we are ‘good enough’ and will measure up to male culture.  The clincher was this paragraph:

“We have to be careful. Men used to be the ones slumped over their desks, dead of heart attacks at 50. Will women become the new men? What are the consequences for women as we careen back and forth between the personal and professional? Studies show that women at every level still leave the office and work a “second shift” at home, caring for husbands and children (if they have them) and doing the lion’s share of the housework and looking after elder relatives. The downsides to women’s new workforce power are: Stress, pressure, exhaustion, burn out and heart attacks — exactly what used to kill hard-driving corporate men and sometimes still does.  (Women Leaders In The Workplace, Ella L. J. Edmondson Bell, PhD)

Did you know that it’s a man’s world to have a heart attack at 50?  Apparently Dr. Ella L. J. Edmondson Bell never heard the staggering statistics on women and heart disease.  Did you also know that only women care for their children and ‘elder relatives?’  I found it surprising that in today’s day and age, she is still perpetuating the myth that it’s a woman’s job to care for her family.  How can we make women equal in the boardroom and leadership if we do not acknowledge the growing role and presence of men in caretaking roles? Though neither statistic, (men at home or women at work,) are where they should be, to ignore growing trends is careless.  If you asked the good doctor today, I wonder if she’d stand by her notion that by women taking on more leadership roles, it opens them to early deaths.  That’s a myth that a woman is perpetuating, herself and one that harms the cause.

For shame.  At least I’ll have plenty of time to ponder the term, ‘mancession.’  You know, because only men caused the recession.  Great work, Dr. Bell.

I’m someone who can’t stay silent.  Indifference is a choice I don’t tolerate in myself or in other, good, people I see.

I’m going to tell you a Universal Truth:  the moment something is viewed as a popularity contest, it heightens the want to be part of the in crowd.  But it also does something else; it creates a group that rises above the noise of popularity and lives their daily lives.  Those people, are the ones who make the difference. We learned this from high school and we’re learning it now.  There are times to congratulate each other on peer recommendations and times to use the recognition for GOOD.  That’s Universal Truth number one.

Number Two is that  if we are hit by a bus, meteor, or heart attack no one is going to stand by our grave site and weep because the Social Media world lost a Grade A Influencer.  In fact, your statistics, reach and audience will not matter.  The awards you’ve received and buttons for your blog will be forgotten.  The only thing that people will remember was how approachable, kind and human you were, before you died.  That’s the truth.

I went to my high school reunion a few months back.  Strangely, the ‘in crowd‘ was unable to make it.  We had a few people who flirted with legendary fame, but the girls and boys who ruled the halls weren’t present and everyone conversed.  No one missed them. In fact, we remarked how wonderful it was just to talk without people constantly telling us how ‘cool‘ they were.  How loudly does that speak to you?  In the end, all that matters is how we truly lived our lives.  Success is simple, when you really think about what’s important.

So Stop.  Really.  It’s time. The self-congratulations and the pats on the back daily need to cease.  The lists explaining the Social Media Leaders in our area only make us look stupider.   Other cities?  Laugh at us.  I was on a phone call recently with someone that claimed, “If my city’s Social Media scene was anything like yours, I would not be involved. It’s elitist and immature.”  I agreed.

The little conversations back and forth about ‘how fantastic it is to be included,’ and how accurate the analytics were that made the decision don’t matter because most of us, are over high school.  Those that market daily and live a life of Social Media know that it’s ONE tool.  You might be big on Twitter, but can you actually write, decently?  You might have captured 4k followers, but have you actually reached out to someone who needed your help, or were you too, darn, busy being, ‘big‘ to stoop down and realize: Your followers made you who you are, rockstar.

Imagine, YOU, Social Media Winners, without a following and without that special badge that claims you’re on the top of the Dean’s List of Social Media Douchebaggery.  Imagine YOU, without THAT.  Who are you?  Are you even someone worth following?  Is list placement really that important to you that you make groups that tell me who got the most votes, and who hasn’t made the list.  Stop the BURN BOOK.  Stop the pretentiousness.  Just, Stop.

Want me to truly believe you’re great, analytics aside?  Thank the list publisher, actually try to act humble and move the heck on.  Stop making “Social Media Smarties,” websites that are a good ole boys and girls network for moments of Social Media stardom.  You want attention and a true following of good people?  Volunteer.  You want to TRULY cultivate relationships that don’t happen once a month on revolving Fridays at #SMBMSP?  Call people on the phone instead of these faux relationships that happen in 140 characters.  If you want respect, it’s time to start being humble again.

This is your wake up call.  A call to action.  If you want to be big, prove it.  If you want to make a difference, do it.  The Time Is Now.

I mean… REALLY?

I’m a tolorant person.  In fact, the only thing I really can’t stand is a blatant disregard for others.   Second-hand smoke, is a nemesis of mine.  You all might remember the great move out last January after the apartment next to me had  made our shared wall yellow with the smoke coming through.  I had a sinus infection for 6 months they attributed to ‘environmental’ factors.  Luckily, I was able to get out of my lease, (mainly for the reason that along with shoddy building construction, they ‘forgot’ to shovel and do any snow maintenance,) which meant I spent the Christmas holiday trapped in my place and very, very, angry.  I moved in here happy and gleeful, for the first 9 months.

You know what I hate?  Being THAT person.  You know the one I’m talking about: who complains and everyone else views it as silly.  When it comes to second-hand smoke seeping into my building, I have no patience, especially given it’s been almost a month of the same problem, at a very new place.  The difference in my building here is that it’s a GREEN building.  Which means that it’s efficient, but the powers that be still decided smoking was alright.  No one on my floor smoked until about a month ago.  Then? It all went to hell.  I woke up this morning to a sobbing preschooler who was coughing in-between her tears.  She looked up at me and asked, “Why is my room so stinky?”  The joy of working for yourself, also means we get to price outrageous health insurance plans, and we’re currently pricing.  Should her cough continue, I’ll have a hefty bill to face.  After waiting for 5 days for any sort of response from management, I called again this morning and was greeted with, “We don’t know what to do about it, when we do, we’ll let you know.”  To which I replied with, “Do we need to consider staying somewhere else until this can be fixed,” and the manager curtly replied, “I have no idea.”  She didn’t want to speak to me further and hung up.  I should admit, that I’m the type of person who always tries to tell someone a positive before a negative, like this:  ”I hope you had a fantastic Labor Day weekend!   I’m sure with all the time off you haven’t gotten a chance to read the email I sent, but I thought I’d speak to you a bit about the smoking issue...”  (And that’s about where the interruption occurred.)

My throat is killing me, but the guilt that my child’s developing lungs and sleep is being damaged by someone else’s selfish habit is what hurts the most.  If you are a smoker, please consider those around you.  Our hallway smells like a 1980′s bowling alley.  We all have a right to breathe non-toxic air.  There is nothing like coming home and having your chest hurt, eyes water and anger rise because someone else demands to get cancer while you smell the afterthought of their bad decisions.  And so, I took to the blog.  Because management, and the world doesn’t seem to get that while I pay $900 a month for a roof, I don’t get the luxury of respect while I fight for my child to breathe clean air, and not to add to the growing stress of finding decent insurance to cover both of us… before she has an asthma attack, or worse.

http://www.weallpaytheprice.com/

Bad press keeps going… and going… and going….

I’m the woman who will stand in line 10 minutes for a free sample.  Once, I waited outside in the freezing cold Minnesota Winter, (for four hours no less,) to get my hands on the latest Santa Bear to finish my mother’s collection.  I don’t mind waiting and if the waiting is filled with great conversation in the line, I’m downright happy.   Social Media, brings out something different in me.

Perhaps it’s that I’m conditioned to believe that this magic box in which I type on, is here only to benefit exactly what I want, when I want it.  If a page loads extra slow, I catch myself rolling my eyes.  If something crashes, an occasional computer put-down will be uttered from my lips.  In fact, I no longer wait in line, come to think of it.  Early Christmas shopping?  Who has time for lines, the past 2 years, I’ve just ordered everything… online.  I’ve become a beast for the quick, easy and fruitful.

Perhaps this is why when Energizer did a recent promotion on their facebook page I jumped at the chance of free batteries: http://www.facebook.com/Energizer?ref=ts

If you click on their facebook wall, you’ll see the backlash of what should have been a very, very successful giveaway.  It all all the elements:  Free,  Fans,  The Like Button and a huge flood of WOM Marketing.  Let’s break down exactly what went wrong, and how Energizer might be able to save this one.

Short Term Giveaway

Because the items were free, the giveaway started at 8am, East Coast time, (6am central,) and by the time it reached 8am on the West Coast, the batteries were all gone.  In less than a four-hour span, a plethora of angry comments were posted in discussions and on the wall.  One read:  ”Way to have a contest that’s only good for people on the east coast – here in OR it’s 8am and it’s over??!!!“

To properly allow WOM marketing to take it’s full effect, Energizer might have offered an entirely different giveaway to begin with.  Most didn’t follow contest rules and actually ‘Like’ the giveaway as another wall poster mused, “Said 30,000 free coupons available and had to hit LIKE, so how could they be gone, you only have 261 likes on the coupons link.”  This is a recipe for disaster, isn’t it?  Next time, Energizer may think about having a lottery, or creating a discussion around the free product to giveaway.  If they lead with positive comments, the entire tone will be different.

Long Wait Times

A few people commented that they waited over 30-40 minutes and had to keep refreshing the button to receive their coupon.  Most were waiting and didn’t receive anything.  One poster remarked, “When thousands of people are submitting the same form on the same site, some are going to freeze. There will be other freebies. I try to be thankful for those I get and happy for those who get ones I don’t. ”  Unfortunately, most people on facebook were not so level-headed.  A few more commentors were not so kind in their remarks, “mine was validating for over 30 minutes.. its a damn scam,” read one near the top.

Sometimes, the system can’t handle all the requests, as we’ve seen with the recent debacle of Twitter crashes.  To alleviate a potentially tragic hardware or software snafu, I’ve always wondered why more companies don’t spread out the contest via different social networking platforms.  It not only spreads out comments and reaches more people, but the company isn’t relying solely on one platform to house all the inquiries.

Bait and Switch?

Probably the largest reason for the backlash was the energizer did not keep up with the demands of it’s public.  After they knew the coupon was sold out, they still willingly advertised that the promotion was happening, collected sensitive personal information and gave a $1.00 off coupon, instead.  This is where most of the angry posts came from, including a post of mine that read, “If the giveaway has ended, you should have stated that BEFORE you took our personal information.”  Energizer actually replied to me, saying, “Hi Kate, if we received your information, then you will receive the coupon for the free batteries. If you didn’t make it in time, then you should have received a coupon for $1 off.”  I was one of the lucky few who was responded to.  And one of the unlucky few who sold her personal information for a one, dollar.

This is mainly a lesson to me.  How much is my personal information worth.  Is it really worth, a free battery pack?  I know it’s worth more than a dollar, though lists normally buy emails, names and addresses for pennies.  In all reality, I sold myself out.  Perhaps one commenter said it best, “For a free battery pack i would decide to give you my personal information. For a $1 off coupon I would pass. Please give others the option first and please delete my information that you excracted dishonestly from me. many thanks“

Mistakes Happen.  How do we fix it?

In most respects, Energizer is responding to comments, is actively involved in engaging consumers and as a company, offered another coupon since the main promotion sold out so quickly.  An immediate open letter to fans might be warrantied, apologizing for the short window, Facebook software failures and ultimately a public that conceives that this was no more than a ‘Bait and Switch,” promotion.  The moment that phrase is uttered, I’d have PR ready to go with open communication.  Facebook might also want to think about opening up a forum under discussions on how to make it BETTER for next time.  Let the fans pick the promotion and OWN what happens next.  It’s truly a win/win from an engagement standpoint, and when the public feels part of the solution instead of a victim of the problem, great things happen.

Brands depend on consumer loyalty.  When a customer feels deceived, their view of the brand may be forever tarnished.  I have a saying, “It’s not about winning anyone back, it’s about allowing them to feel open enough to CONVERSE with you about the issue.”  We feel better after we complain.  Why is that? In a recent post, the author of, “The Language of Emotions,” speaks about Conscious Complaining and how letting out our negative energy can actually HELP us.  In all reality, should we be so worked up about a Facebook promotion?  Probably not. I, however, am a firm believer in really looking deep into why we react, and how.  Read more about The Language of Emotions, here.

The main job of PR, and Social Media engagement is to LISTEN. Sounds like Energizer is getting a tough lesson in how much the public demands and how to craft a giveaway differently for future success.  For me?  I’ve learned the benefit of one-dollar.  It’s certainly not worth my personal information and it’s not worth much emotion.  It is however, one, gloriously-cheap business lesson to share, showcase and remind companies of.

Chris and Mary Lower weighed in from Sterling Cross Communications .   Follow them online at @SterlingCrossPR

“This is a traditional campaign utilizing web tools and would have even crashed a website.  Facebook has policies against these promotions because of platform crashes and it cannot handle the infrastructure.  Their wall is open to comments, which are not just from themselves.  They are instantly opening a headache with online reputation issues.  Energizer should have set this up to a micro-site and should have been ready for the bandwidth of potential hits and attempt to honor rain checks or other offers.  Store managers will go the extra distance and extend it, this is standard operating procedure.  There’s a huge difference between listening to the consumers and actually DOING something about what they are saying.  Are we actively taking steps to perform GOOD customer service?  Listening does no good if companies are not acting upon what they’ve learned.  If a community is unhappy, the mindset needs to be changed.”

Every time I turn around, another list is out documenting a set of, “Minnesota’s Social Media Innovators/Leaders/Those That Have Moved The Needle.”

In all truth, the fact that Social Media has come so far that we are cognizant enough to celebrate each other is an achievement in itself.  How many years did we spend trying to get some sort of recognition and attendance at the first events?  We however do need to question one thing:   Has the focus moved to popularity versus helping the entire community thrive?  When did it get so….. competitive?

Perhaps it’s the title or the one-label-fits-all, mentality which has me shaking my head.  Some of the people on these lists are more than just innovators or needle movers, they started the trend here in the Twin Cities and I have them to thank.  Other people, UTILIZE social media well for their business.  And Meghan Wilker and Nancy Lyons? They just knock my stilettos off with whatever they do.  I call them just plain, awesome.  Erica Mayer keeps me smiling with her fantastic attitude and gorgeous photos.  See? Maybe, that’s it. Passionate users of Social Media have paved the way for everyone to follow and in truth, we are eternally grateful. But they aren’t just innovators.  By throwing the title of ‘Innovators’ only to those 11? We leave out other fantastic people and send the wrong message.

It’s turning into a popularity contest even though we don’t mean for it to be so. We are less focused on remaining a tight-knit community with each list that comes out.  I’ve heard ripples and divides between those who made a list and those who did not.  Last year the list was a nighmare and people were hurt/angry/divided.  I remember asking someone, “It’s just a list, right?” We need to stop putting our leaders on a pedestal to emulate when what makes Social Media divine in the first place is the power of individuality and personal branding on all content platforms.  Although, I’ll take Meghan Wilker’s wardrobe any day. (Please?)

We put our friends on our ‘Best of Lists,’ and then they put us on theirs and SEO is happy because our name comes up with a gold star.  This is high school.  This is sad. For us to be the best community we need to be?  We need to celebrate others, too and stop the labels.  The sad thing is, the most recent list by @ArikHanson, only features 11.  It’s becoming a little exclusive and silly.  Some of the same people were on the list, others weren’t and there is a severe lack of change.

Recognition is a powerful tool that’s not only needed to learn best practices, but can prove to be fatal to our community if overdone.  The last thing I want to see is a, “Good ‘Ole Boys Club,” here in the Twin Cities Social Media scene.  Reading through the comments under the article reaffirmed my belief that the pretentiousness of back-slapping thanks and personal shared victory has come to a head.

We all need to get over ourselves a bit, and celebrate people for what they have done, not grouping them under ‘innovators’ and leaving good people out.  We’re hurting ourselves by labels when these community leaders are so much more and others, haven’t received credit they deserve, (@JoelECarlson,  @MNHeadhunter, @FooteNotes, @StevenLadin, @LuLuGrimm, merely to name a few.)

Weigh in, tell me what YOU think.

There’s something about walking into a room full of people that know you, that makes the Twin Cities Social Media Scene feel like, home.

My first, “Social Media Breakfast,” was an experience like no other.  Connections were established that grew my business and aspirations, people were hugged and knowledge was gained.  More importantly? I learned that I wasn’t an outcast, or misfit because people, just like me, were using Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook, while enjoying it.  As I grew professionally, speaking nationally and passionately about Social Media, I knew that those breakfasts and events had a dramatic impact on who I was becoming.  I was an online misfit: someone who wanted to change the world with connection and showing job seekers and companies the value of one, single, status update.  And no more, was I alone.  I learned about the #SMBMSP new pay model from MNHeadhunter and truly agreed with the decision.

I’m pro-$10. I think a hug from @MNHeadhunter is worth more, and when you add in one of @KayLoire’s incredible smiles- it all becomes priceless.  Tell me that a monthly check-in isn’t worth $10?

I’ll go to SMBMSP even though I know I’ll run into the ex and I’ll have to pull an awkward hello out of my pocket.  I’ll go even if I have to get up at 5am. (Did I just say, 5am?) Yup.  Single Parentdom and living in the far SW Metro mean dropping the poor kiddo off at 6am to get on the road in time enough to grab the last piece of bacon. I’ll go, because you all supported me and I am incredibly proud to know you.

@MyklRoventine and @RickMahn have worked ridiculously hard to build our community.   Instead of demanding everything for free and becoming, “social media elitists,” we need to remember all the people who sacrificed, planned and brought us together as a community.   I have no doubt that in the upcoming months, new and “FREE!” events will pop up.  To grow as a community, we need change.  However, if we cut ourselves off from where we gathered and met simply for $10, that’s a testament to how ‘cheap‘ we really are.   Cheap things break, and often when we buy a less-expensive version of something that has been working well to begin with, we are soon disappointed.  I’m all for healthy competition and growth, but I’m not for elitism.  Yes, communication was lacking about the change.  Yes, the State Fair is not the optimal environment to charge, but we couldn’t have expected free content forever.  We’re not all really that selfish, are we?

Will the $10 change mean that sometimes, I won’t be able to make it to Social Media Breakfast?  Maybe.   Budgeting means making difficult choices.  Will it mean that I don’t support an organization and group of people who truly deserve it? No way. It means I’ll make better choices, and look forward to seeing everyone that much more.   Seriously, guys.  Let’s cut the crap and support the people that built the Twin Cities Social Media Scene to what it is.  Purely, awesome.

]]> http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/2010/08/16/the-land-of-the-misfit-social-media-enthusiasts/feed/ 2 http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/2010/07/22/i-will-love-you-and-honor-you-all-the-days-of-my-life/ http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/2010/07/22/i-will-love-you-and-honor-you-all-the-days-of-my-life/#comments Fri, 23 Jul 2010 01:33:40 +0000 thegirl http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/?p=1167

It was a beautiful summer afternoon.  The sun was shining in it’s glory and my optimism was at a prime.  He never got down on one knee and there was no champagne bottle waiting.  In fact, all my hopes that someone would play the guitar and Gavin Rossdale would magically appear out of the heavens and sing, “Glycerine,” with his 1996 slicked back hairstyle,  never happened either.  Somehow, when it’s right- no matter what you imagined earlier in your brain doesn’t really matter, at all.  It was quiet as the most important things in life always seem to be.  It was in that moment, when I saw the ring that I knew, for the first time in my life- this was long-awaited relationship I had so been looking for.

I’ll admit,  there was a hurried rush to the altar.  I had finally found what I wanted and by gosh, I wasn’t letting it go.  My vows were more complex, because I’ve come to understand that love isn’t magic or a series of miracles.  Love, was simply: a choice. In the rush of things I never put on a wedding dress although my sparkled white flip flops seemed appropriate enough.  I wondered why it wasn’t like this all the other times, why I never looked in the mirror and just KNEW how lucky I was.  I had taken so much for granted, and placed my happiness in far too many other hands.  As the ring slid on my finger, I mentally said:

I promise to finally put you first. To be good to you in body, heart and soul.  I promise to take you to see more sunrises, and enjoy each sunset.  I promise to help you take work less seriously and to spend the weekends outside instead of inside cleaning, organizing or otherwise making excuses.  I promise to remind you that life is short and no one is going to care if the kitchen floors are perfect, but the friend who desperately wants to have coffee, is.  I promise to take you everywhere you want to go, and remind you that any dream can become our goal, simply with a plan.  I promise to love you without your bikini body and right, front, toe that always manages to get caught in furniture, doors and anything with a sharp corner.  I promise to teach you, listen to you, and remind you that the voice inside should be heeded at all costs.  I promise that sometimes, it’s alright to say, ‘yes’ to the second helping of cake and ‘no,’ to the guilt that comes with believing you should criticize the one body that has brought you this far.  Until the end of our life together, I promise all this and more.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, without a big extravaganza, pretense or celebration, is how I got married.   To myself. The woman at the jewelry store smiled when she explained that the ring was vintage, a 1960′s heirloom and the diamond was nearly flawless.  I knew instantly- it was perfection.

In the 90′s, we had these guys: WifeBeaters

And now, by the utter originality and grace of someone who screenprinted the same idea on a tank top, they’ve included strippers. (I’m not sure if the disgusting term, “She was asking for it,” applies here or not.) http://www.thewifebeater.com

Their front page reads:

Wife Beater Clothing and Apparel offers inspired clothing and apparel for men and women. Whether you’re going out for a night on the town, or hitting the local skate park, Wife Beater’s unique looks and designs will keep everyone’s attention on you. Our goal is to provide the highest quality merchandise at affordable rates.

If you venture over to their about us? It reads exactly like this:

Wife Beater Clothing and Apparel does not support or promote spousal abuse or domestic violence in any way, shapes, or form. We are a Clothing company!

Wife Beater INC of Las Vegas, NV, the owner of the Wife Beater Clothing and Apparel, is dedicated to building a global distribution, without losing our head for the edgy and cool.

Our products are exactly as our name says; clothing and apparel. We make a variety of fashionable clothing items using only the highest quality garments. Our goal is to provide fashionable clothing at affordable rates.

The idea for Wife Beater Clothing and Apparel was conceived by four friends that were working various jobs in Las Vegas. All of them were interested in owning their own business, but had very little money to start one. They all pooled what money they had and began to design various clothing items. Our signature trade mark is a red handprint on all of our items. We make clothing and apparel for both men and women.

The owners of Wife Beater Clothing and Apparel believe in giving back to their community, and support a host of local charities. They give and raise money for charities that promote helping abused women and children, children and families with cancer, feeding the homeless, and supporting veterans and local law enforcement.

I am sure Law Enforcement would love the money from t-shirts hawking strippers, red or bloodied handprints that degrade women. They actually claim to give money back to ‘abused women and children‘ by selling tee-shirts that PROMOTE a brand and an identity associated with abuse. And that, handprint logo? I’m assuming the red is a symbol of peace and charity- not violence and blood.

Magical. Perhaps they can ship them to Mel Gibson for free.

It’s not edgy, nor should you be proud of a concept that degrades women’s safety and makes a joke out of spousal abuse.  Maybe someone can help Lisa Perchesky understand.  Lisa is the single mom of two daughters and an Avon lady, (which I’m sure Avon would have a field day with,) she should definetly know better.

I contacted Lisa:

@isthislisa Maybe no one else is saying it- but the clothing line supports violence against women. And that’s #NotCool.

This was her reply:

@girlmeetsgeek NO it does not. It’s just a name. Read the about us. Wife beaters is a style. The name derived from that I believe.

And then she threatened to sue me.

@girlmeetsgeek Slandering my name because I try to help very good friends get a company off the ground is#slimy. Know a good lawyer?

Feel free to contact the company, share your thoughts and let them know that it’s not worth $20 to support a ‘style,’ that is no longer trendy or relevant.

Their Phone is: 877-566-8715

#UntilTheViolenceStops

“Love  is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there. If you look for it, I have a sneaking suspicion that love actually is, all around.”  -  Love Actually

It’s true, you know.  You fall in love at the most inopportune times with people you least expected and the different types of love can blow one away when they experience real love: like seeing the world through your daughter’s inquisitive eyes.  I’m convinced that our hearts, often described as broken, actually never crack or break at all.  They grow with each experience, and the pains we feel are simply growth and the determination to get to the right size so when we meet the person we’re meant to be with, we are ready to house what they have to offer us, what we have to offer each other.

Did you ever build your perfect spouse? I’ve made lists of what I’ve wanted for years.  Each crashed attempt, failed relationship reminded me more and more of what I wanted, until I saw him.  I don’t have to worry about stopping my life or wrapping my happiness around another individual.  I’m happy, successful and he is the incredible icing on the cake; the lingering taste after a cool glass of iced-tea.

When he says he loves me, something radiates.  When he tells me, “I’m going to marry you,” it all makes sense, though, in all reality it doesn’t HAVE to make sense.  He holds my daughter’s hand and she looks up at him and he brushes her hair back and there are moments- sheer moments of peace when utter terror should take over.

I’m at peace, and the warmth you feel? Is just our smiles.

Would you believe me, I thought: If I took a picture to post?  The camera flash illuminated the black room and captured none of the design.  In frustration, I ripped the phone from the charger and tried to videotape it but all that came out was pure blackness.  There is unexplainable love all over my walls.  I swear to you: it feels hand-painted.  Sometimes, the frustration of being powerless to capture such brilliance leads to a greater lesson all-together: the importance of not analyzing, capturing and otherwise destroying gifts to provide evidence.

Love is a miracle.  May these walls teach me that sometimes, there is no good explanation to wake up at 4:00 in the morning to investigate the light, but it happens when we least expect it.

It’s shining.

Remember when people thought Twitter was all about followers?  Like a cold-calling campaign in where 1 of 100 calls might result in a sale, people thought with clever campaigns to gain followers, they could increase, or boost their profile on Twitter.  Remember the backlash?  For months, we were plagued with, “Gain more than 10k followers daily, I’ll show you how!”  For those not accustomed to human interaction and true marketing, they thought the power was in the followers, and boy- were they wrong.

The power of Twitter, is in your voice; the human thoughts that blurt themselves out from your fingertips before you have time to rethink if you want everyone to know that your preschooler just climbed to the top of the dresser and sang a song from Annie at the top of her lungs.  (I gave her a cookie, it was majestic.)  For the love of Social Media: If Twitter isn’t about the followers, it’s certainly not about “Top Tweets,” either.  I already am seeing articles about how to get your tweet on the front page.  In all reality: Who spends time on the FRONT PAGE of Twitter before they login?  I log in to communicate immediately with the people I care about- not people who are unattached and hanging at the front gate. 

Want to succeed in Social Media?  Remember your human element: the voice beneath your fingertips that tells the world WHO you are, not what you’re selling.  Witty comments can land you a few followers, but why not take those followers and develop true relationships.  Tweetups, charity events and simply asking for coffee is a great way to bring a follower to the next level.  It’s time to recognize that Social Media isn’t a popularity contest, it’s a RELATIONSHIP-BUILDER capable of giving you incredible people to call at 10pm or 8am and relationships that extend far greater than a computer screen.

1. Is he serious? Does he cuddle with a blanket, too?

2. Is he retarded? Should I worry about him?

3. He must be manipulative. ‘Allo, restraining order.

4. He’s sensitive and I hurt him! Oh my god, he reached out after.. 5 months -telling me he still had the voicemail to prove how ‘hurt’- (he did say that,) he was and there I was… blowing him off.

I felt awful. I’m notorious for touching base with people. Did I shoot down his paper airplane? And you know what I did? I apologized. I apologized earnestly, profusely and with correct grammar so that maybe in apologizing he would leave me alone and I could get off the guilt of, “what if I just screwed this up with this guy because he totally had something he had to do and couldn’t call me because he fell into a pool of hungry, rancid, sharks and they ate his phone but spared his precious 6-pack body and now, he’s trying to make peace because I’m awesome, and he’s got that great smile and we’re going to have 10,000 babies…” Because just as your eyes were bleeding from reading my atrocious run-on sentence, my soul was bleeding that I had hurt something living and breathing that did not resemble a mosquito or an ex-boyfriend to whom I’ve resided with.

And I did the over-apology thing, and now I feel like an idiot for leaving a message that he couldn’t even follow directions to, an email to which I spilled out my heart because I wear my vagina on my sleeve and I spoke all of this in my check-in with my favorite guys to which they all laughed because the Hulk side of me only comes out when I have to go all Mama Bear on my spare time.

That self-awareness thing… it’ll always get you.

Alanis- “Madness”

I’ve been most unwilling to see this turmoil of mine
The thought of sitting with this has me paralyzed

I’d have to give up knowing and give up being right
You inadvertent hero, you angel in disguise

]]> http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/2009/09/23/the-ghost-of-guilt/feed/ 0 http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/2009/09/16/free-to-decide/ http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/2009/09/16/free-to-decide/#comments Thu, 17 Sep 2009 03:07:11 +0000 thegirl http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/?p=339 If everything that’s happened, had to be so that in this moment I could feel as I do now? I’d certainly fark  it all up again, threefold just to feel the empowerment and absolute excitement that I do as of late.

Tomorrow, I present. It’s a culmination of a week long class with people that I’m incredibly sad to leave. Our lovely employer sent us to a 3.5 credit class, (in a week- you read that correctly,) on ‘Presentation Skills,’ and how to effectively take what we’re given and exceed audience expectations. I’ve been practicing for days. Tonight, I memorized all my cards, came home, stood in front of the mirror and watched myself screw up over and over again.

Feet apart. Clearer voice. Slow Down! Floppy arms. Confident stance. Eye Contact!

And in everything else: Where the butterflies in my stomach reside, (now flying in formation,) there is strength and absolute GLEE over what I’m learning and able to see in myself. There is a sense of understanding- I am doing what I truly love. I received the kindest note from my PIC, (partner in crime,) this evening. A. and I present a few sessions across the South Metro on various subjects and I see his thought patterns changing mine. The votes of confidence are starting to do something to my psyche, and I can’t help but be thankful that we facilitate so well together, (as opposed to a train wreck, a ‘la Planet of the Apes,) over PowerPoint and coffee cups.

It was the new found confidence, I suppose- along with nudging from a great boss that brought me back to college. (COLLEGE, people.) Organizational Leadership- the irony is… I couldn’t have ever figured it out before now. I even have a grant so that college for the first year? Is basically taken care of.

I don’t often write when excitement hits because the sheer terror that it won’t linger often drives me to hold the feeling inside. I’ve been excited for months and the motivation, encouragement and pit-of-your-stomach-giggles feeling will last as long as I CHOOSE to keep it.

We often forget the power we hold- to be happy despite the media reports of world hunger/h1n1/Kanye. To remain in the moment of who we are and what we want to accomplish despite financial, physical or psychological stresses. And finally? To stop at certain moments, like slowing down during a presentation and scanning the room with a jubilant smile.

Personal Success is a Choice.

There are such certainties to life as this:
Ice cream is cold. My mom is picky. Babies poop, and my old college is a warzone of bureaucratic resident hall heads on a power trip.

I went to private school, (after two years of boozing it up at public school) and realizing this way no way to treat my future decided that,  I needed either an entire dedication to boxed wine, (which I thrived on with ramen,) or to actually open the apparatus that looked like a book. I decided I needed an intervention. I picked the thing that I understood the best, (beautiful irony,) Theology. Which in all it’s self-reflection giggles offers some hope: I once thought I understood God. (Now I imagine him as Neil Diamond Jesus: complete with revolving stand and sparkly shirts.) …I like this version better. And I took classes on Theology, did extremely well and slept over at my boyfriend’s place on the weekends figuring God didn’t kill fornicators who cared enough to study all about him in college, right?

After attending said school, (I lasted a year and decided to ‘not finish’ because I had landed a very ‘prestigious‘ job at a local manufacturing plant making money in the double digits while working as a program coordinator for the purchasing department. Excel graphs before they were cool? Me, baby.

I figured, since I no longer had to buy my milk in bags at the local Kwik Trip, I could survive living as an adult on the plentiful wage of $12.00 an hour while I imagined myself climbing the corporate ladder and doing Youth Ministry on the side for said Sparkly, Neil Diamond Christ.

When I moved out- appearently I was assessed $120.00 for a set of curtains in my dorm room that I either ganked to come with me, ( for the benefit of having something so beautiful,) or perhaps because they were an antique heirloom left over from the days it was a seminary. Either way, Curtains for Jesus- at $120.00 for the set was on my final bill.

(Except I never knew this until I asked for my transcript so I could register at my new college weapon of choice. Organizational Leadership, lovahs!)

Apparently as the Business Services Manager explained to me that he called me ‘a bunch of times,’ and ‘even mailed letters to my parents’ we neglected to remit the $120.00 and instead purchased an entire new set of suitable curtains and they decided since we did that… we still owed $20.00 . (Are you lost?) I’ll explain: I was not aware I had purchased any new curtains for this lovely, parochial college settled in the beautiful bluffs of Winona, MN. Out of all the things I remember: (Old boyfriend’s phone numbers, the taste of certain memories and what I bought?) I remember shopping the most. Ahem. I REMEMBER SHOPPING. Ask me what I bought at Target today: I’ll tell you all. The time in 2002 when Jay and I went to Maurices and I spent over $40.00? A skirt and a pair of shoes- darling, heels. Last week’s Ann Taylor Loft spree? Tank and flops. I get shopping. Why I would have no recollection of buying curtains, (because paying them $26k a year wasn’t enough,) is beyond me. Did I explain that we never received phone calls, letters or a dent in our bank account from purchasing said items? Sure. I was told ‘we just overlooked our financial obligation.” To which I realized… For seven years, and approximately about 3 hours today, this was all about … TWENTY DOLLARS.

Long Story Short: I apparently took the curtains from my former dorm room. Then in realizing I was being assessed $120.00, I bought new curtains for the dorm room. (And dropped them off? No one could tell me what these new curtains were, if they were as beautiful as the dark, smelly tweed of the old curtains and if they could do tricks.) Then because my college was inconvenienced by the fact I had only paid $25k for college, they decided to keep $20.00 as a ‘lesson’ on the account. Let me tell you: I am totally deterred from stealing nasty dorm curtains. I’m a fixed woman. For seven years they kept the $20.00 on the account. My crazy father, (who knows all and would have had my skull on his irish china if he knew about any of this,) actually cackled with me on the phone when I tried to explain all this. A coworker said, “That’s one hell of a scam to get another $20.00 out of it’s students.) I mentioned they already had part of my soul.

This was the same school that demanded I pay for Freshman Orientation Credits as an entering Junior. (I politely declined and lost.) Thousands of dollars to talk to kids who couldn’t drink yet about how ‘scary’ and ‘alone’ college was. I refused to attend the classes so figuring they’d get me yet they assigned me a 2 page paper once a week on a lesson I had learned at college. Never one to back down- I always managed to put a biblical spin and sexual references in the papers. (I also always, got A’s.) That’s when the loathing began.

The university and I played phone tag for no less than 3 hours today and they came to the determination that since I don’t remember purchasing new curtains, or taking the old curtains with me- they’d have to keep the $20.00 on the tab and I’d have to remit payment asap as I needed the transcript by Tuesday. They asked me to overnight a check to which I had to hang up the phone to keep from laughing. I assured them that the red-tape I had gone through had only heightened my certainty that I had made the correct choice in not returning back to the Nazi Glee Camp for another semester. I talked to the VP and then? After I wrote out the check, (with ‘Paid In Full’ entered at the bottom,) I received a call from the registrar’s office telling me that she had made out a check personally to assure that my transcripts would go out and arrive in time but I’d have to make out a check to her, personally for $20.00. I mentioned that was probably kind, crazy and illegal, but making my deadline was more important. (Stupid responsibility.)

What would I tell new college? “I’m sorry. My transcripts aren’t to you because my former school has decided I stole and desecrated curtains and they assessed me a $120.00 fee which they later dropped to $20.00 because apparently they received magical, replacement curtains by someone who looked exactly like me but wasn’t me and they wanted me to overnight a check but then someone decided they’d pay it for me, even though they didn’t know me and I was just supposed to make the check out to her and it felt wrong and I wanted to check with someone but because I’m 28 years old, I just felt stupid, so here… have a deep breath and a latte.

If that’s not toasting your books, I’m not sure what is. So? I figured- what has a girl got to lose. I made out the check in her name- wrote Paid in Full- Curtains at the bottom, and attached a letter in which I cc’ed a few minor people.

In the letter I explained that although this was certainly the most… impressive display of emotion over $20.00 I can only imagine the gold-plated curtains that would be helped by this overzealous budgetary planning. $120.00 for curtains was ridiculous, unless the love of Neil Diamond Jesus, himself  was somehow invested in each thread. I called it all my penance for reading Mere Christianity in class while remembering the not-so-mere-Christianity night before.

So either the kind registrar just saved my ass, or? They took seven years and managed to get an extra $20.00 out of me.  $27, 020.

…That’s about right.

Please read this article:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/aug/14/afghanistan-womens-rights-rape

Copy the link, send to your friends and family.

 We are currently occupying Afghanistan and helping the government because we have been ‘convinced’ that the Taliban was much, much, worse.

Highlights:

Guardianship of children are male only. (Women cannot be guardians of their offspring.)

‘Husbands’ can deny their wives food if their wives are not supplying the correct amount of sex.

A rapist may now pay ‘blood money’ and not be persecuted for his actions.

 I took my daughter to the local fair by our house. She played in the inflatables and we shared a grape snowcone while watching the plant from Little Shop of Horrors sing ‘Soul Man’ during a karaoke contest on the main stage. (In full costume, no less.)

I watched her excitement and apprehension about going into plastic covered bouncing houses. She still asks me to go with her, and truthfully- if there were no rules about energetic parents entering, (and subsequently breaking said houses,) I’d already be jumping.

I did not spend one, single, second wishing we were something more ‘whole’ or ‘complete.’ Lately, I’ve just seen myself as her caregiver- not void, but completely successful and capable. I spent years bitter. Over the past 6 months or so- I’ve come into my own.

We were so totally in the moment, her and I. The love of my life jumped to the sky and I didn’t need to look to the bright side: I was already there.

I’ve been telling myself lately that friendships and even relationships seem to be some sort of business transaction. We meet.. we exchange, and eventually- we part. It always comes back to the core people around us and I’m so sad to see the fads go. I get wrapped up in new people, far too easily.

It started with a friend’s status message, “I really hope that grandma doesn’t die and ruin my vacation.” To which I contacted said friend out of concern for her new-found-sarcastic-perfection or the complete demise of her vital ethical qualities. Sadly, it was the latter, (after being told that Grandma manages to ruin everything and this was so like her to almost die on the week she wanted to go on vacation.) I wish I still had my grandparents… and I sent an email and stated how worried about my friend I was to hear her talk like that- and I was swiftly removed from any social site I had been in contact with her on. This is cool, because we’ve only known each other like 8 years. But whatever, right? That’s not a lifetime. (Thanks, Grandma.)

I think there’s a metaphor in there somewhere. I don’t know. I used to see my college friends a couple times a year- we would plunk the kids down on blankets and chat- but since last year- no one came to Ava’s party, or RSVP’ed and with the Josh thing I didn’t make it to Rochester.. so really- I haven’t talked to anyone in months? I don’t know. I’ve been entirely focused on the site, the getting published… the life- outside of a man… that I probably failed at friend-dom. So.. really- for the… I’m going to go ahead and take 90%- no matter the circumstance. (Even, with Grandma.) I’ve been invited to my friend Cind’s for parties like 4/5 months and never made it- Dennis keeps asking me to hit up a show- never made it… and poor Justin, (thank god for Justin,) has the patience of a saint and I still owe him his shirt back.. which I promised to sew a button on but has disappeared somewhere in my spotless house- which I know doesn’t make sense.. see this runonsentance? That.. is my life. And I miss them all.. desperately.

So this is the plan:

I have, a great leatherbound notebook. It has pages and I’m going to make contact with one person a day. I think the time of being completely into my own life and getting back on my feet has passed, (even with cancer and joblessness,) I think I want to start focusing on .. LIFE again.

It goes like this, you know? Even when I’m talking to a waitress, or reading a book- I’m always sad to see the good ones go.

There’s one friend who deserves a gold medal of awesomeness, who stays up until 1-2.. 3?am on a work-night to sit and chat about life with me. Thank god.. for him. Because it’s allowing me to face the parts of myself that are just too damn scary to do alone- and gives me the strength to face the things only I know are there.

At our worst- our best shines through.

I’m a farkette. (www.fark.com) I read through the headlines daily, and I find a sense of normalcy within people’s reactions to the headlines. Every now and then, outside of the heartbreaking stories of missing children, people dying with various diseases, or just plain human stupidity; I run into a gem, like this.

The Vatican is stating that the pollution caused by those sinful, (and pesky,) birth control pills, (containers and waste residue,) are not only causing problems for the environment but, (gasp!) making men sterile.

So, I did the thing any crack reporter would do, and I googled it.  Nothing really came up. So? Benefit of the doubt. I moved to ask.com. I searched it there. This came up, including the fark.com article. I sat and thought- not even one zealous environmentalist has thought, “Where in God’s name are those plastic packs going? What’s ending up in our water? What if it’s going to cause the male penis to fall off?” It’s weird… no one’s thought that, I mean… except the Pope.

I’m not really an advocate of any form of birth control, as I either am swearing at or pep-talking my Iud monthly. (Being the heathen I am.) Every woman has to choose for herself what’s right in her heart. I’m not pro-abortion, (who is.. really?) I’m not anti-woman, either. I think I’m pro, “figure that shit out for yourself, because it’s your life- ish.” I’ve heard from my ‘christian’ friends that means I don’t care enough. Empathy is in short supply, especially when I’m told I should be making important and life-changing decisions for other people. It’s in even shorter supply when I hear my old church is crying poor but still blasting people for at least being responsible when getting it on in the back of their dad’s Dodge Neon.

There was furvor a couple years ago that the Catholic Parishes in Africa had been spreading the news to the villages that condoms ’caused’ AIDS. Tragically misinforming the ignorant is about as far away from God as I can imagine someone, but it wasn’t my battle, and I wasn’t nearly as infuriated as I’ve grown to become.

Do you ever think that if you did something, even little- you’d have to care about everything. I started thinking about how many of those pill packs were being thrown away, and then started thinking about all the other prescription bottles we throw away. Prescriptions that save our lives: Cancer medications, or medications that help babies thrive in the womb. Even heart medications, or vitamin bottles that keep our children safe- a pregnant mother taking folic acid…. where does that go? Surely it all ends up in our waterwaste and our landfills… and for a moment- FOR AN ACTUAL MOMENT, I contemplated fuming over the short-sightedness of a very sad religion, and running through my house and snatching up all my pill bottles to wash out… (wait a minute..) and recycle… and it dawns on me, I couldn’t win anyway. Where would I dump the water that the pills had sat in? Back in the sink? That’s the sin the Great Leader wrote the whole article about! Should I start a potted plant, only to dump the waste water in that, jeopardizing the life of one of God’s own flowering creatures?

Crap. I can see why people become fundementalists, or just plain crazypants.

 I sat in Church during Christina’s wedding, (beautiful ceremony- I don’t care what someone believes- but when it truly makes them happy and you can see their happiness and glow in celebrating it? That’s what matters.) She stood up in front of all of us, with a plethora of some amazing church leaders, (how’d you do that, girl?) And she proclaimed everything she believed with such clear dictation- and such a happy heart- for a moment, I wanted to go back. It wasn’t that I felt nothing in Church anymore- I felt the beauty of the building and the hope people found in the walls, I just hadn’t felt like because this building was here- I could have sufficient faith and perseverence to stick to the doctrine of something I could no longer respect. It was like this article. I thought for a moment about the truth of the environment- everyone knows pollution is harming us. I thought of the link to male sterility- forced.. but I could see that. I did my research, I brainstormed other possible contributors, and the original report fell apart like a wet piece of paper in a thunderstorm. Someone might say I don’t have enough faith- or empathy… my insight and new-found deductive reasoning is reaking havoc on my faith-life. I want to ask Christina- miss-deductive-reasoning, how do you let go of all the false words, and still stand up there and promise to believe it all? It’s a gift I don’t posess, (nor am I sure I want to,) but I am envious of her beautiful hope.  

 I found this, and breathed a sigh of relief: Over the past 10 years, many synthetic compounds and plant products present in the environment have been found to affect hormonal functions in various ways. Those that have estrogenic activity have been labeled as environmental estrogens, ecoestrogens, estrogen mimics, or xenoestrogens (xenos means foreign). Some arise as artifacts during the manufacture of plastics and other synthetic materials. Others are metabolites (breakdown products) generated from pesticides or steroid hormones used to stimulate growth in livestock. Ecoestrogens that are produced naturally by plants are called phytoestrogens (phyton means plant).
Many of these estrogen mimics bind to estrogen receptors (within specialized cells) with roughly the same affinity as estrogen itself, setting up the potential to wreak havoc on reproductive anatomy and physiology. They have therefore been labeled as disruptors of endocrine function.

It’s always the plants, isn’t it? Thank god it wasn’t my satan-filled birth control pills from 2001. God made plants…. right?

I suppose this summer brought me Josh, and I supose in saying that- that the girl really didn’t meet the geek. She met herself, the quirky parts of herself that she preferred stay hidden, and the parts that she wore so desperately on her sleeve. I’ve grown up on this, haven’t I? The needless longings of a cynical girl have come to a head in a way I never would have imagined.

I’m one to constantly trace my path- over and over, almost as if my finger is rubbing into the already established-shallow groove that’s been left by prior journeys. How did I get here- how did this happen? (What needed to be in place?) I constantly ask myself these questions- I want to believe that there was a reason for all the pain- the biding of my time, the intricate web.

A friend asked earlier this week, “You’ve been asking us all- but what do YOU think love is?” For so long I thought love was constantly putting the other person first- proving yourself, and expecting nothing in return. Surely love meant sacrifice and came with a safety net. In real love- you don’t need a net- you don’t need to try to put the other person first. You don’t question being second. You are already a priority- without having to ask. You’re already secure enough in yourself that a safety net is un-needed- you’ve learned to land on your stilletto heels.

I’ve loved many people in my life- in different ways, and in different stages. I spoke words often wishing that the actions would follow. For the first time in my life- the actions preluded these words.

He’s my homerun. Wow.

There’s been a calm to my life lately. My boss mentioned it in one of our  happy and very shiny catch-up meetings. She said I seemed calmer, happier, and generally more kickass. (The latter is paraphrasing, which is a tool of LEADERSHIP, and DEMISE.) And sadly? The fact that someone else noticed I was in a self-absorbed cocoon of gilded bliss and calmer? That’s one of the best compliments I could have received.

There’s no news… and there’s a lot of news… but I prefer to keep the latter to myself for a bit longer. I’m aching for that ‘bubbling over’ feeling that resides when you can’t hold in it all any longer.

I’m happier than I’ve ever been… strange, but true.