I heard the news yesterday that my Fellowship with the Bush Foundation wasn’t moving forward after the last round. I was one of 397 individuals who made it to the final interview and with all the hope in the world, I continued the journey. I felt defeated for a few moments on the phone with a friend, driving in between client meetings and got lost in the idea that this could be, “failure.” Or, it could be a launching pad, instead. I now have my “to-do” list. I have purpose and a crowd of people behind me who want #HPV education to move forward. I was forwarded two other links for grants, (one for the Gates Fellowship and another for a MN State Fellowship.) But in truth, I’m a little lost in my mind right now. But, I keep using the word, “forward.” So, that’s where I’ll go.
I did the thing any emotional, inspired human being does and after 32 long years, I got my first tattoo.
I’ve lived my life by an unwritten code without even knowing it. The number has held incredible power to me. 3 battles with cancer, 3 pregnancies. The rule of 3. In numerology, the 3 means, “The Number 3 symbolizes the principles of growth. When the initiating force of 1 unites with the germinating energy of 2, there is fruitfulness = 3, the Trinity. 3 signifies that there is a synthesis present - that imagination and an outpouring of energy is in action.” 3 to me, symbolizes the power to keep going, even after all seems lost. In my heart, there are many 3′s. I’ll have more failures and more successes. Most importantly, I’ll have more opportunities.
The Fellowship would have been amazing. I’ve sincerely never worked so hard or prepared so much for an unknown. In the upcoming weeks when I digest each part of the new vision for my life, I’m focusing on the the beautiful groundwork I’ve laid. I contacted an attorney already, to get non-profit status set-up for BeenThereRockedThat and started trademark paperwork. I was so honored to be in a community with others who want to change the world. That in itself, is incredibly inspiring.
Only love. 
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Somewhere in the ancient mystic trinity
You get three, you can see,
It’s a magic number.
You have a lot of disappointment to get over, but you are far from alone. Three is a magic number, and it shows up in a lot of cultures throughout time. Sometimes it is in the works of people who are just like you, dealing with situations like yours.
In Baroque music (1600-1750) there is the Concerto, which is three movements of fast/slow/fast. Think of it as the initial excitement, the disappointment, and then the elation of success. I always go back to one of my heros, Bach, in times like this and find a good concerto. Through its progress you can remember your initial elation, then wallow in your misery, then finally look forward to the joy that comes back around.
Threes are a good thing, and Bach in particular loved them. Many of his works are trio sonatas, works for three instruments (or, on the organ, two hands and feet for the pedals). Trio Sonata #3, third movement, is naturally a celebration of threes where the top two parts move in thirds (three notes apart) and it has a bouncy 9/8 beat (three groups of three). Faith in threes obviously kept the old guy going at times.
So you are in very good company. Just get through that “middle movement” and on to the fast movement when you are ready for it. You can do it! Many other gifted and driven people before you have, all throughout time and throughout the world. But if you need a little help getting there take heart in their struggles. I think they left us their art just for this purpose.
Oh, Erik. This comment and the time you took to write it means more than you know. How blessed I am to call you a friend and how lucky I am to have you has a confidant. You inspire me and remind me often that I can DO it. Your words and time really mean more than you know. (Thank you!)
Dear Kate:
Power of Three, Indeed.
First thing I thought of after reading this was “Charmed”; were you a fan?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_of_Three_(Charmed)
Last night, I’m a little ashamed to say, I slacked off a little. I really didn’t feel like drawing any more maps or outlining any more wine regions or rehearsing my French pronunciations.
I woke up today still #fightingbacktears, but I know if we were Face to Face, you would call my ass out on that ASAP.
Please keep pushing forward, Kate, towards this dream and all your others. Know what a positive role model you are to your families; both your home one and your virtual one.
I’ve told many friends about you this past month, and your hard work and courage in attempting this. Two of them are flying in to Chicago to take the same test I wrote you about.
That’s right. Two other women; one in Wyoming, one in Texas.
Power of Three Forever, Kate.
Power of Three, my friend!!
You’ve been in my thoughts A LOT these past two weeks. GO GET UM!
You melt my heart.
We’ve got this girl!