Dear 2014,

We haven’t met yet. Tonight is going to be a blind date of sorts. But, I’d like to tell you a bit about me in hopes that you’ll understand I’m much deeper and more heartfelt than you could possibly see on the surface.

I enter into you with visible scars. In May, I lost my fight to keep my fertility and now, all that remains of what once housed my two beautiful children, are four dashes on my abdomen that I haven’t picked up any Mederma for. I don’t want to erase these natural tattoos, or the strength they’ve given me to start truly thinking about how I could transform the world and ignite better education about HPV and cervical cancer. I meet you, while I’m in the Bush Foundation Fellowship process, I am a finalist.

I come with focus and purpose. I step into your unmarked timeline and promise with more ambition than my past combined 32 years. I come with resilience and grace and with a marching cadence that is all my own; sometimes a step, other times a dance and I rest in-between to find courage to start again.

This is the year it happens. I can feel it. GirlmeetsGeek, everday. But this year, I met and geeked and loved a part of my journey because it made me a protagonist. I starred in my life, without the need to ask permission, simply because I allowed myself to feel and engage in the world on a completely different level. I disengaged in much of the community, gossip and activities that didn’t support my goals. I worked harder at honing my writing and research, understanding the complex algorithms of the human heart and mothering, all while looking through my weaknesses, (not past them.) I began to ask more, and assume less.

I started leaving behind the guilt and anger that comes from reclaiming roles I thought I had to play. I failed and un-failed and re-failed and I came to another yearly resolution that we can’t really LEAVE it all behind us. That in itself, it failure. To not learn or make a testament to our experiences would leave a far more painful mark on my life than to recognize that I am who I am, simply because I AM.

Like a dodecahedron, my multiple facets are beginning to be filled with faces, gifts and missions that have me rediscovering what I want, who I hold dear and my goals for all that you offer. I look forward to us. Because we’re going to be amazing.