In life, you have choices. I’ve been blessed with many, incredible decisions. In fact, I had to make a difficult decision this evening as my normal sitter was gone, my parents were out of town and my bright-eyed daughter begged to come with me. Luckily, a good friend is shooting the promo and my daughter is midly addicted to her Nintendo DS. Tonight, Ava’s going to see what a studio looks like and I had to let my walls of perfection drop to make that happen. I could have cancelled, or postponed. But I think sometimes, perception is what changes an unsuccessful outlook to a successful reality.
Being a single parent is tough, it’s true. This morning, we walked around early garage sales and Ava noticed all the houses with backyards. She’s decided to save her pennies in a mission that we buy a home instead of our condo so she can play pretend and soccer and swing, “all the way to the moon,” in her very, own, playground. Don’t me wrong, the kisses and, “I love you’s,” and the cards that are always made for me are the very reasons I’m proud to be my daughter’s mother. On the other hand, when everything lines up perfectly to create a chaotic storm, it makes me want someone to at least look at me and say, “You SO have this.” Often, I hold myself to such a standard of perfection- that really, shouldn’t be there. The pile of laundry that looks like Mount Everest has already been put off, and the dishes in my sink resemble an abstract painting are actually quite artsy. The floors were already washed this week and I managed to make dinner 4/5 nights. Really- this is a flaming success. We all feel this in our own ways, whether at our jobs or in our relationships, we hold ourselves to greatness. If I held myself to lower, I would achieve just what I held myself to. I’m the classic hopeful and optimistic overachiever but I’m also my biggest critic.
We sat and smelled the floor after it was cleaned and the carpet after it was vacuumed. (Which, if you’ve never done this is something you are surely missing out.) Ava and I held hands in the living room and we played the, “I love you more,” game. I told her I loved her as high as the moon and she replied with exuberance, “I love you INFINITY HAWAII’s!” I onced asked her what the farthest place she could imagine was and her answer was Hawaii. Ava wants to see the ocean and, “pet whales.” In her 5 year old mind, the Disneyland of the entire universe, is Hawaii. And she loves me infinity it’s waves and whales and sand. If there was a way to double infinity or give her Hawaii here, I would. Tonight, she’s going to see how a show is made and she’ll see me as as a terrible hairstylist, a mediocre make-up artist, a terrific speaker and a mother who is now going to make it her goal for Ava to travel with me to Hawaii next year. Small steps, to great success and one changed outlook.