I remember the moment clearly. We had just eaten at Khans, and the smell of the food which ordinarily had made me crave more, had turned my stomach. I just knew. I took the stick out of the package and tucked it underneath me and proclaiming of plastic it read, “PREGNANT.” I threw up 5 times. From the moment I told my Irish, Catholic parents I realized this would be the end of my social life as I knew it for a while. I was scared and suddenly alone, but determined to make my body a house for something greater. I never drank during my pregnancy, because I was already too afraid of everything else.
Exerpt from my pregnancy blog, which was possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write:
“I rely on this baby. I rely on the fact that I hold it’s promise in my hands. Slowly the power of knowing I can care for something else, and surprise myself at the same time- moves to fear. Miscarriage, and death, and too much folic acid, dehydration, Special Eds Kids… anything to worry about the status of the baby.
And my mind is racing a million miles a minute- and wishing someone was here to rub my back at night and listen to my fears- eager, wonderful- normal fears- and hoping that I can do the best job anyone has ever done.
And I desperately want all of you to hear my truths, and my weaknesses, but still see me as strong, and independant, and wonderful- besides my faults, and the slight neediness that goes with being a single mom. The feminist books forget how wonderful it is to be loved- as well as to love yourself. Maybe true feminism is learning to be extremely aware, and conscious of your choices- not everyone can make the best father, and you need someone whose got to decide to play the game first- not that he’s already struck out.
These things that I tell the baby, when we’re in the bathtub, and the water is spashing, and the tears are falling… rent is due, and no one likes my choices- but no one will ever hate him. His little hands and beautiful little feet are already formed- his personality is already calculated- and my love will protect all that from anyone taking their anger on me to him. The power of one person, and the exaustion of fighting the battles meant for two are controlling my life- but it’s a beautiful control. At the end of the day- I can say, I’m carrying this child and absorbing it’s energy daily- it’s making me stronger, and making me whole in new ways….
But I still want someone to whisper, “We are a team.”Baby… We are a team.
I met Emily Gunderson at the 2010 Baby Expo that I was speaking at. The moment I passed her booth, I knew I had to stop by. A warm smile greeted me as I explained a bit of my story and passion to help other mothers realize the potential that lay inside their stomachs. I invited Emily to guest blog on the compelling message and volume of support that the MN Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (MOFAS,) offered mothers, friends and family members.
Emily has generously offered to give my readers twenty-give onesies for each reader who could pledge to spread the message, or share her story about alcohol in pregnancy. I was humbled, and realized the potential of spreading Emily’s message and passion to all of you. I want 25 comments, because Emily wants to give these gorgeous onesies away, and I want to give Emily something in return: Piece of mind to know that her determination to spread the GOOD that MOFAS does would not go un-noticed. Leave a comment on the post and get a onesie. It’s really that simple. Tweet about it and go into a drawing for a (4) gorgeous homemade earrings. Together, we can spread the message and save babies. We are a TEAM.
Below is Emily’s message. We are all blessed to have women like this in our lives, who care so much about our unborn children, that they are willing to stand up for each, little, voice. Thank you Emily.
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Can I ask you a question? What do you know about drinking alcohol when you’re pregnant? Is it ok to drink wine? Only on special occasions? Maybe during just the last trimester? Absolutely none?
Well, as Communications Director for the Minnesota Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, whose mission is to educate any and all women who are pregnant or could become pregnant about the risks of drinking during pregnancy, I would love to take this opportunity to bust some common myths and share some information on how to prevent Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS).
First a few facts:
- Nearly half of all pregnancies are unplanned and 57% of women are drinking at the time they become pregnant.
- Here in MN, as many as 8,500 babies are born every year with brain damage cause by prenatal alcohol exposure; it is more prevalent than Autism and Downs Syndrome.
- Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) affects every part of our society and is not something that simply happens to those “other people”. College educated, middle to upper income, employed women are the most likely group of women to continue to drink alcohol during pregnancy.
- There is no cure. But it is 100% preventable if a woman does not drink alcohol during pregnancy.
Some of the most common myths are It’s ok to drink wine during pregnancy, just not hard liquor, It’s ok to drink in moderation and It’s ok to drink alcohol in the third trimester because the baby is already “developed”. Well, the fact is that alcohol is alcohol. One type is not less harmful to the developing baby than another. One type of alcohol is not less harmful to the developing baby than another. And any exposure to alcohol can cause damage to the developing baby. The baby develops at a rapid rate through the entire pregnancy. In fact, approximately 50,000 brain cells are formed each second during the pregnancy. In 2004, the U.S. Surgeon General stated that there is no safe time, no safe kind and no safe amount of alcohol during pregnancy. There are so many things during your pregnancy that you can’t control. This is one thing you can – if a woman doesn’t drink, her baby will not have prenatal alcohol exposure.
MOFAS encourages you to “Celebrate an Alcohol-Free Pregnancy” and share that message with your daughters, sisters, nieces, friends and co-workers.
Emily Gunderson Communications Director: MN Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (MOFAS)
**Comment below to receive your onesie from MOFAS and spread the message of hope.**
Your passage to your baby made me proud to be a mom. It’s amazing how powerful our love for our child/children is, isn’t it? And how we love through everything.
Wanting another baby now. Oh no.
Seriously Kate, the letter to the unborn babe, beautiful! So beautiful!
And I think knowledge is power here, I think that there are a lot of myths and uncertainities and people who think they know but really don’t when it comes to alcohol and pregnancy. Way to go spreading the word!
Thank you.
I originally thought Ava was a boy. Thank goodness she is who she is. My strong, amazing girl. She brought me through it all.
Just wanted to say I am moved by your letter and the passion of MOFAS to spread the word. I will tweet your link but want nothing in return. Please pass on the onsie to another poster. My child is now 19
Just wanted to offer my support.
I do not need a onesie either – pass it on to someone who does. Thanks for all you and MOFAS do.
Great post – love the intro and love the guest post by Emily. I don’t have a need for a onesie either – but am happy to spread the word. Just this week I talked with a woman who was using drugs and alcohol in her pregnancy – she was nearly 3 months pregnant before she actually found out she was pregnant, then stopped using. But her baby has some effects of her use. I’m happy to help spread the word on this. Thanks! Missy
What an amazing entry, I’ve heard mothers tell me how it’s ok to have wine, or just one mixed drink while pregnant, I wish they would all read this.
Kate that letter is amazing. Absolutely beautiful.
When I found out we were pregnant, my first thought was elation and my second was those 2 drinks I had the Friday before with the girls. For that reason and because I take the Surgeon General seriously, I did not touch a drop for the remainder of my pregnancy.
Thank you for getting the word out about this. There is quite a bit of ‘it’s actually ok’ advice that flies around and I’m glad you are setting the record straight.
Totally digg your website. Today I googled my way to another awesome weborious containing game-torrents for consoles like wii, xbox 360, ds and so on. Take care my friends.
This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
You and Ava are a dynamite team.
Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.
Greatings, ,
Gracias
Worker
The moment of conception is the point at which a mother becomes responsible for a reliant being that is a complete innocent. There is no greater charge that can be asked of someone.
The statistics presented floored me to be honest. I regularly see pregnant women out enjoying wine. Possibly non-alcohol wine (which still has alcohol), but still very much culturally accepted. I have to be honest, I wasn’t aware that the Surgeon General had made a statement saying that the only acceptable amount of alcohol was none. I pledge my voice to bring attention to this issue and applaud Emily, Kate, and MOFAS for carrying the banner.
RE: Boom. Boom. Pow.
Kate,
There just might be a guy out there who wants to pass the time with you on a 8 hour overnight trip to Chicago. Sit with your crazy family and your (at the time) dying grandmother and rub your arm. A guy that promises not to scream at you, or hurt you, and be a man and not a boy. He just might be around, somewhere.
related to the above article there is information in this website Alcohol rehab
I was at gathering a couple of weeks ago and was surprised to see a pregnant neighbor drinking a glass of wine. When I commented on it she said “One glass won’t hurt, it helps relax me . I had an occasional glass of wine with my other kids and they ”
20+ years ago we were just finding out the effects of alcohol during pregnancy how sad that we haven’t really advanced.
I agree, there is so much we can’t control while pregnant, why even take the chance.