Fiveteen Months. In truth, I’m calling this the largest personal win of the decade, perhaps even my life.
There was a time I hated Christmas lights- the glow of the merriment was a sharp contrast to what was happening in a very, dark, room. Freshman year of college cemented my fear of the black- and unknown. I lived for fear of someone else breaking in for far, too, long.
I moved out of everything I knew and came here: To rest my heart and my head for a year. The first night- I took my daughter in my room and locked the door; terrified that someone would find their way inside, or the strange noises I was hearing would actually turn out to be a demon or something, (who specialized at massacring 5ft tall writers with a penchant for Social Media.) I watch too many d-rated horror movies.
Boyfriends entered and exited; some like a slow drip out of a faucet that pooled on the porcelain sink, and others that disappeared out of view leaving no trace there was any moisture to begin with. Sometimes my eye was forcing itself to see in the darkness of the drain, “What had gone so horribly wrong?” The fact is, really: For a year I’ve been single. (The first time I’ve been single for more than two-three months in my life.) This year: with fears and enlightenment has been the hardest and most successful year I’ve ever known. The last three months specifically have brought dreams to reality, (A television interview, various published works and contracts,) and a grasp of identity: I am Her: The one I was looking to find.
I fear the dark no more- and fear strangers or bumps in the night even less. In all: I fear nothing but to not be given the chance to take the rest of my months and set aglow all I wish for and I wish the same for you.
Thank you for making the journey with me: And helping the girl find the geek in herself.
Here’s to opportunity in 2010: internal revolutions, side-splitting laughter and everything in between.
