My admiration for you did not die when your fire for me did.
It was black in my room and I sat listening to the hum of the computer fan and the sound of my acrylic nails tapping on the mouse. I digested those words for what seemed like hours. He said them with conviction- and I sat dumbly wondering what else I could do without ripping it all open further.
Don’t fall in love with your friends. It only works out in Hollywood movies staring Patrick Dempsey with transperant story lines and a mediocre score. Even then, it almost fails.
I imagined him at his computer, breathing in quickly as he does- with his eyes darting around the room. I imagined him feeling better after saying those words- that maybe the burden was now with my ears, hearing it and knowing: There was nothing I could do. I can’t find a reason to really want anything from anyone at this moment. I barely return phone calls, second dates are trying and quite honestly: the want to be in my moments and content rule over the past excitement of impressing someone else.
So here it finally is: Pangs of regret and tears all over the truest of words. There’s no fire in friendship. I’d do anything to help him understand the value that lays without the romance. I think my explanation fails.
