My head hit my pillow and I looked to my right.

I don’t remember why I started sleeping on the side of the bed farthest from the door. I feared zombies, mostly. I figured- my partner would get the hungriest brunt of the attack and after watching him be decapitated and defiled, seconds later I would be next. But in this case- sloppy seconds was comforting… when it came from zombies. Because, I could pat his back while I somehow threw myself out the window to the street below. Knowing that zombies are both very fast, and in this circumstance love the smell of my DKNY Be Delicious Perfumemixed with my own personal brand of awesomeness, they might pause for the exact second for me to open my car, climb inside and speed off to Des Moines, or Vancouver… you know the parts of the nation zombies hate most. (Even zombies hate Iowa.)

I tease the emptiness. For months I’ve been sleeping sideways; I honestly don’t know how it happened. I go to bed, one leg underneath me the other someone pointed out with ballerina tendencies and suddenly I awake and one leg is sticking towards my closet and another is towards the window and I’m basically in the splits- but it’s wonderful. The space… is exotic.

It’s the pillow fights, I miss- especially when it relates to snoring.

…Divide and Conquer.