It’s been somewhat of self-induced dating coma for me. I went out on a few first dates, (a few nice guys and two completely crazy ones,) and I just let myself see where life took me.
B. If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that plans made with him are hardly kept and in 8 hours he went from shedding tears on my couch, (actual, man tears,) telling me he wanted to wake up with me (?!) to telling me that he wants nothing to do with me because directly after expressing these emotions, he decided to start the litany of bre-isms and I started ignoring every word he said. And he hated it- so he fought back. And it’s silly- 30 year olds and 27 year olds fighting about something ridiculous just to mask other things.
Rigdon asked me this morning, “So what now?” I didn’t even think before answering, “Life.”
Life happens in the background the entire time. We fight with the friends we always fight with. The other people who roll their eyes and open their arms are always waiting. Parents come for dinner, preschoolers throw gigantic tantrums over the choice between chocolate and regular milk and the sun sets on decisions we wish we didn’t have to make. But life? Keeps going. I get up, I do all the actions of getting ready and before I even realizing what I’m doing- I’m still breathing. It’s comforting to me to know that with little pains and big pains- our bodies take over and we function anyway. This has been a year of stress: But I’ve never appreciated my ability to take care of myself more.
Someday the big pains will come. In the scale of how much this will affect my life? The job loss certainly threw a wrench in my ‘life plan,’ but I’ve become a better writer, and really developed what I think I want out of my career path. The Bre thing? May prove to be something else that started with such confusion- but ended with an entirely different outlook. If we saw the ending- we’d never try as hard to get there.
I ate entirely too many gummy worms yesterday, and Derek pulled out a stash of salt-water-taffy. CSI shows and the 10:00 news dulled everything to a slow hum. I went to bed with a sugar high and the giggles.
Rigdon scoots off and I finish typing away the thoughts on the tips of my fingertips. He says, “You’re pretty alright, you know that?” In these moments when rationality is flowing without pause- I think he’s right.
Thank god for good friends and a sh*t-ton of sugar.
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I’ll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that’s okay
Cause I’ll remember everything you sang