I just don’t get it. The affirmation of your faith that you are going to house as many children as  your glorious uterus can handle to make an army for god. Embryos for Jesus. I just can’t imagine God cheering on the Duggar army as they mercilessly strike anyone down who dare go against their radically, ‘Christian’ ways. Is anybody face-palming at this?  (This letter explains it better than the article, I think. But this? This is priceless. ) It’s all so, 3rd-world to me. They had big families in the bible because most of their offspring would not live to birth. It was a tragic existence then- and reproducing like bunnies on crack was a dire necessity for SURVIVAL. Now they are claiming to do it to build a “righteous army of God Warriors.” /please excuse me, I have just puked in my mouth. Tissue?

I’ve blogged many times before on my religion, (according to Kate.) I really do not think God wants us to fight one another, or win, or lose, or really- do anything in his name except love, encourage and give one another gigantic high-fives in good times, and slap some sense into each other when we’re being really, really, ignorant. I think that God is in each one of us- and if we recognized we had the power to do amazingly good things? We might not need to busy ourselves with rituals, or condemnation or spreading our legs for Jesus. /Just saying.

I also recognize, it’s not for me to judge. If they sincerely find happiness and peace in having as many children as their bodies can produce, that’s fantastic. What worries me is the quality of life these kids might experience. Every parent has called their child by another name. (I called Ava the dog’s name once.) We’re sleep deprived, multi-tasking retards. It’s lovely. So- what happens when you have 18-freaking-kids with matching ‘j’ names to try to keep straight? (Medals all around, there.) That’s nuts.

What really stopped me and made me think? (In trying to resolve what triggered such annoyance in me about it all, was this. Ps: Fantastic Article.) Read this paragraph:

“My loyalties had to undergo a change. I was used to thinking that Dad knew best. Now I needed to learn to think that Pete knows best. I used to do things and invest my time in projects according to what I knew Dad would want me to do. Now I needed to be guided by what Pete wanted me to do. When faced with a problem or an option I couldn’t think, “What would Dad have done in this situation?” Now I had to think, “What would Pete do in this situation?” These were exciting times and difficult as during this state of flux—learning to replace one man’s vision with another—the devil would come around and say, “But what about what you want? What about what you think?”

It was almost in reading that- my heart beat faster and faster and I realized… they are basically breeding little girls without independence, wants, and desires. Robots. For. Jesus.If God blessed us with a brain, and the ability to choose and think and feel- why would we give that all up to blindly only trust our husbands and not ourselves? And you know, because by now? You know me, and all I can imagine is Ava’s amazing spirit being stifled by such a thought. I see so many little girls with such sparkling spirits- extinguished.

We have -one- life. That is all. If we are resurrected into another life? (Bonus.) But I truly think that this? Is it. One shot. One game. Absolutely one chance. We can choose to live with what we truly believe, without stifling those around us and empowering ourselves- or, we could fade into oblivion behind someone else. All I know? These words and this life is my only chance to be the one in a bazillion person I was created to be.

All I know is what I feel- and I truly feel that with the promise that we were made in an image of something greater? We hold greater responsibility to one another.

About 80 good years to build, sustain and bow gracefully out from a gift that the world will never see again. A chance to be unlike anyone before us- help without limits, and change the un-changeable. A firework in the sky, then- merely sparks falling to the ground. Don’t blow out your own flame for the promise of something unseen, when with your hands you could create such beauty and happiness for those around you- that you could live His vision- twofold. (If that is your vision.)

I vary daily on what I believe- but I hold the following as truth: We were not born to live silently while others suffered at our hands of indifference


…It’s a good thing I found a new dating site, huh? /hehe