I was recently visiting a downtown Target store, and in between me filling my basket with entirely un-necessary gummi-fruit items, I couldn’t help but notice the amount of Lysol, anti-bacterial hand soaps/wipes/sprays, and the never-ending request, “Do they have tamiflu here?”

I’m going to give it to you straight because it seems that CNN.com is too busy wetting their pants and pointing to the moisture out of pure, adult-incontinence, excitement:

We. Are All. (Probably Not.) Going to Die from Swine Flu.

We are not going to become zombies screaming for bacon and brains, nor will they shovel our bodies into trenches and burn us because of the sheer number of the… INFECTED.

I think this is what will happen. Give this about another week. You’ll hear of more people who die. (People will die. Sadly- it will affect those who cannot afford medical care, or who do not live in decent conditions the most.) The Internet community will call this ‘darwinism,’ and we’ll joke uncomfortably about it.

Then? Something else will happen. Octo-mom will have an interview. Or! A teacher will develop a lustful relationship with one of her male students- right in your own, community! Someone may murder someone else. The Obamas might get another puppy. They’ll find something else is cancerous, and our water coolers will-be a buzz of all the new ‘information.’

What you should do? Is probably not what I just did when I went through Target and filled my cart with high fructose corn-deliciousness. You might want to stock up on healthy foods, protein-rich products, and some chap-stick- for all the ass-kissing you’ll have to do when you call in sick to work.

It’s going to be fine. (I promise.) This might end up like Sars, or Avian Flu, or whatever other flu they told us about. (Two weeks ago- it was that the world was going to die in 2012, because of a giant-freak-meteor that only hits every couple thousand years.) Really, it’s getting old.

And? If we’re not fine- we’ll all die. We’ll get the flu, watch the people around us rot because our states are wholly unprepared for this kind of thing- and eventually, a few of us will rebuild, (minus the zombies.) That- we can’t control.

And really? Why are people actually saying, “Why is it only affecting Mexicans?” Sadly- the area in which it originated from is one of a very poor population. They don’t have the ability to wash their hands, or drink clean water. Their water may be run-offs from a hog farm or other disease-ridden source. Because we aren’t taking care of the least of us? It will affect all of us. These things are here to prove that the grade of our society is how we treat even the lowliest members. Not one human life is better than another, (despite what Republican or Democratic party members might state.) A little boy recently died in Texas of the FLU- Swine or not, he died. And he died because his parents waited FIVE, (5,) (Cinco-freaking-days,) to take him in. They might have not taken him in because they were concerned about American medical bills. (Note: I do not believe in free or discounted health-care to illegal immigrants- and those on vacation in the US should plan accordingly,) but- that might have been a factor. We just aren’t taking care of each other very well- and now? We’re arming ourselves with anti-bacterial everythings- thinking that if we put a high enough wall against us and ‘those damn Mexicans,’ than it won’t affect us. The only difference between Rapes in Darfur, Starving Children in Somalia and the Swine Flu in Mexico is that the Swine Flu is spreading rapidly- and we aren’t concerned about the conditions where it has been going on for MONTHS in Mexico. We’re only concerned about US. I guarantee, if other conditions, (hunger, violence,) spread as quickly as this flu- we’d see much-needed-involvement.

We need to realize:  Fear- is a great way for the public media to boost it’s ratings. It’s also an amazing thing for companies to sell products. Keep yourself healthy with good habits, (hand-washing, healthy foods,) and you might have the best defense yet.