It’s 11:49 am, and I’m not doing anything remotely interesting. Really.
Here’s the thing about flickr/facebook/thisblog. I lead a very boring life. If I didn’t have the crazy moments that I manged to remember and write down? My life might be as flavorful as sugar-free jello. (Not lime. Because lime is good.) I feel like we’re all constantly trying to ‘one-up!’ each other. Like the moment someone posts that they just did something ordinarily amazing, they feel the high-five of the internets and because sometimes- late at night, we’re lonely, so that’ll do.
The more I see other people’s twitters, (damn you chirp,) or statuses on facebook, the more I want to just lie. Because it’s either you read all the boring, crap people are doing that you just don’t care about, (coughcough-thisblog,) or you’re reading snippets of the over-achievers extraordinary lives- and you want to slit your own wrists while screaming what your 3rd grade teacher, always said, “If she only applied herself!” Then you too, could be spelunking in Southeast Asia, or deworming orphans, or meeting at trendy cafes and discussing internet marketing, or tweetups, or something equally awesome, and yet… desperate. But all your doing? Is praying that maybe tomorrow your toddler will use the potty instead of her pants, and that you’ll be able to sleep past 8. (If there was a fairy-godmother of toddlers, she would hear my plea…)
I’m going to create the underacheivers twitter. Anything obnoxiously witty, or cool is outlawed. My twitter shall read, “Today? I wiped my own ass.” And you know what? People would send me direct messages of congratulations, and smirks and suddenly? I would be a superstar. (SUPAHSTAR.) No more comparing myself to the people that meet over breakfast and discuss twitter, or their alternative lifestyles with vegan foods and only eating wheat in days that begin with ‘s,’ the world shall become our oyster, friends! Today we conquer.
I feel like we’re all engaging in soft-celebrityism. (Like soft porn- minus the red knees and the high heels.) It’s not quite there, (it’s a bit like MTV’s Undressed- to which I’ve totally just dated myself,) but… it’s on the verge of being obsene.
