Phantom Limb Syndrome…

A phantom limb is the sensation that an amputated or missing limb (even an organ, like the appendix) is still attached to the body and is moving appropriately with other body parts. Phantom sensations may also occur after the removal of body parts other than the limbs, e.g. after amputation of the breast, extraction of a tooth (phantom tooth pain) or removal of an eye (phantom eye syndrome). The missing limb often feels shorter and may feel as if it is in a distorted and painful position. Occasionally, the pain can be made worse by stress, anxiety and weather changes. Phantom limb pain is usually intermittent. The frequency and intensity of attacks usually decline with time.-(www.wikipedia.org)

This is what happens when you realize your worth.

Suddenly- the skirt gets shorter, and thanks to the pesky last 12 lbs I’ve finally lost, I’m not sucking my stomach in whenever I speak. Suddenly when I lay down and a fingers glide above my belly button, I’m not turning my head away, or wishing I was someone else. I am looking, in eyes and watching fingers and grasping at the beauty of my curves. Even if I gain it back, I would still look at my curves and see everything they’ve gotten me through- the heartbreak, the denials, the moments of giggle-bliss. Half the clothes in my closet don’t fit, and I’m … complicatingly… single? Complicatingly involved. Something- but it feels good. My rules. My beautiful rules. A favorite sleeping buddy, someone that always made me feel sexiest and someone that isn’t afraid to sit with me while I drone on about nothingness- prior complications and intentions of marital bliss. Our promise that the girl who has been courted entirely too many times, wanted to court herself for a while. He finds that beautiful. Someone’s perceived weakness, is his perceived strength. I only can win.

And then? There’s the mass. Those I feel that float around me daily. A text or two here or there. A pick-me-up, something desiringly un-complicated, a simple gesture. It’s like my anti-microbial-fog that blocks out the bacterial organisms of the world.

Sometimes… in the dark- when the bed is empty, and my thoughts ramble- and every movie shows every situation exactly like mine- the disenchantment, the getting over- something tingles. A memory- is like a pinprick- and suddenly you’re bleeding moments of times before. No tears come, because you’re over that- you frankly have built yourself up to a point where the thought of him actually touching her  doesn’t bother you. Even whispering in her ear changes nothing to your heart- you shrug- but it’s the tingle that convinces you that it’ll still hurt for a while, and maybe- that’s why the complicated and uncomplicated masses involved- still text, or call, or hold you tighter- laterally. Maybe it’s the way your best friend looks at you and she knows, you need more chocolate and more hugs and in turn, you’re scrapbooking in the middle of the night, and movie after movie with gorgeous, british-accented-men, only help the situation. It still tingles, like an amputated limb. You reach for the memories out of comfort, and strangely- instead of angering you- they offer nothing anymore. Your mind is erasing the emotions to it- probably out of survival, or intelligence, but just like your beauty in the new-curves, the mind develops as well. Everything is becoming more beautiful- in loss and gain. People are noticing as you’re bearing more- and taking another step into becoming exactly who you were made to be.

Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.  And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.
It’s opener there
in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,
don’t worry.  Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll  start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
and hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted.  But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a  train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping,
once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame!  You’ll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t.
Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
’cause you’ll play against you.
All  Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike
and I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So…
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!
Dr. Seuss