When I moved into the Norwood house, there were flies, everywhere. I look back now and wonder if they were just there as the carcasses of what we used to be- his intentions, fell like pieces of himself- rotting to the floor. The flies never quite went away, although they became less in number, and in my new house- there is only one.
He follows me around. I’ve made him a ‘he’ because it seemed to fit. We’d swat at him at the dinner table, and he watched me go up and down the stairs. Tonight, I sat on the floor beside my bed, staring at the wall, and there he was- perched on the radiator, ready to attack or maybe listen. I took note of the latter of the two, and we held a conversation. (Me, talking to a fly who never moved- (maybe out of pure fear? maybe the vibrations in my voice?) And I realized… Bre was right last night. We sat on my bed and I reminisced about all the signs I should have seen. (When I had the cancer scare two months ago- how he never called the day of surgery,) -how he was too busy all week to come see me… everything.
And the fly- is this pest.. it’s HIM… it’s all the intentions I just can’t let go of. Flies are only supossed to live for a day, right? (24 hours?) Why is this thing still following me? And the worst part? It buzzes in my ear- and I swat at it, and speak to it- and it just won’t die. But the thought of it not being around after I bonded with it over ex-boyfriend talk- baffles me. But it’s going to happen- I’ll wake up, and it’ll be dead somewhere- and I’ll wonder, and that will be that.
We know the end is coming, and we mourn it anyway. The end came for me about 2 weeks ago. No amount of pushing, or denial or bargaining, or just plain resentment is going to bring back something that existed in it’s own snowglobe- only protected when outside factors were not involved.
So, goodbye my snowglobe relationship. I’ve been a bitter, zombie for a little, too long. Of course I’ll miss the parts that he supplied readily, but I won’t miss picking through the garbage to find the pieces of me he left behind.
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it’s all right
Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it’s all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it’s all right
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…
-The Beatles
