It’s on your face, is it on your mind, would you care to build a house of your own.
How much longer, how long can you wait, It’s like you wanted to go and give yourself away. -The Fray
I think most of us in the dilemmas of the unsure or the confused hold tight to the familiar- and usually within times of change, we can’t see the familiar has already elapsed. We mold what it is now- in all it’s uncertainty into what it was, and what we so desperately want it to be.
I’m convinced that if I keep my focus on me- the rest will come. I’m convinced I’m an amazing backslider. Why did everything I fear with him happen? Did I have a six-sense? He’s giving me the ‘courtesy’ of not talking to her until I’m completely out of the home we purchased. I wish I had the courtesy to be seen as everything he told me in the beginning. In all honesty? I should have seen this. The girl before me called and texted him, “You say goodbye to my child, then!” Obviously it wasn’t a good break-up. He said she was psycho and clingy. (Aren’t we all… it seems.) Whenever we want what we had- it’s a bad thing.. right? No matter the promises, everything we felt… it’s all wrong.
Well? I woke up this morning and didn’t pine. I saw him in the kitchen putting away his dishes and when he said her name- I didn’t wince. She’ll be me, or someone else’ll be me, and I’ll be the woman before me. Pastures for him to shit on- until we’re all used up. So.. meh- you can have her- she can have you. She can come to our home and lay in our bed. She can look at the room we painted pink, and the nails in the wall that remained after everything else came down.
And maybe someday? When she realizes that she was put in queue for when you were completely finished with what I had- that maybe you didn’t respect her that much, either. You use your words like currency.
I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you’re gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
I remember december
And I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you’re gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
What the hell do you want? -Damien Rice
