You mostly hear about the explosions in my personal life, and I hardly devote much time on here to anything else. (Except my toddlerette.) I was thinking this morning… Thursday is my birthday, I’ll be 27 years old and what exactly have I accomplished this year?
If someone asked me, “What do you feel is your biggest accomplishment this year?” I’d reply, “I was.” There was so many times in the past I didn’t, or I wasn’t, that this year- I told myself- I’d focus on Yes.
I played softball, and met some amazing friends. I got caught up in the moment, and picked myself up from the pavement. I drank until I was flamingly drunk one night, and danced for six hours. I gave people up and let others in. I reconnected with my best friend, and relived some of my childhood. I absolutely spoiled myself with time, and patience. I dug deep into what I wanted, who I was and what I felt I was entitled to. I allowed myself to be loved, but not just on anyone else’s terms. I fell in love with an eight year old and a 30 year old, and wish everything could be different. I took pictures like it was the last year I had on earth. I took pictures, of everything. I saw myself for who I was in pictures- and in some pictures, (mostly the one on my ‘contact me’ page,) I fell in love with the start of wrinkles around my eyes, and a goofy, eternally happy grin. I stopped caring about what I looked like, and started caring about what I was missing because I was so worried about how I looked. I poured myself in a swimming suit, I hiked falls, and learned to skip stones. I allowed people to walk away and come back on their terms. I ran a freaking marathon. I’ve stayed at my job- for a year, and can’t imagine leaving. Someone played me songs on his guitar while he sang. I’ll never forget some of my favorite memories:
Bathtub. Nighttime- I was bawling and he was trying to cheer me up. He gets out his guitar and starts playing every song he could think of, (ending with the always appropriate, “I could be your hero, baby!”) And I cried in the bathtub and sang along.
I stayed home from work with Ava. We sat on the couch for hours upon hours watching lifetime movies, cartoons, and eating raisins. She snuggled up to me, and I learned just to hold her. Not every moment needs to be filled with everything else.
A phone call with my father. Like the walks we use to have when I was a child- his hand in mine. He listens as I ask him, “Daddy- how do I fix this?” He listens and comforts, and even though we’re miles and miles away- I feel his hand again. We’re not the same after- we get angry, but he knows it’s changed for the better. I see my mother slipping away- but he’s back.
Concerts:
Death Cab for Cutie: June 2nd, 2008
Twins Game: Aug. 20th, 2008.
Renaissance Festival: Aug. 23rd, 2008
Neil Diamond: July 19th, 2008.
Roots/Semisonic/Doughty/Live: Sept. 20th, 2008.
Maybe the threat of cancer was the best thing that could have happened. I’ve lived more at 26 than I have my entire life. Lucky, lucky, me.
