The wedding stuff is coming along, and health-wise, my stress levels seem to be dwindling to a trickle, (thanks to the best support system ever- I love all of you,) so really… I have nothing to complain about.
We found a house today, and in it’s all perfection and our mouths gaping open, I wondered… (silently,) what sick plan does God have? A perfect house, with a beautiful family, and all this… the moments that humble you.
Kaeyla called me, “momma,” on Saturday. It was almost a whisper, like testing her foot in the water, before jumping in the pool. I shot a look over to Josh, and he shot a look over to me, and he said, “how does it feel?” I couldn’t quite put it into words then.
I remember the first time my daughter said Ma-Ma, and the sense of identity it brought me. It’s a feeling unlike anyother- it’s more important than a name- because it identifies, and places you as SOMETHING. I assume the term will come and go, depending on who we are around. The night before, I took K. into my arms, and we snuggled on the couch with Josh and I ran my hands in her hair. Thank god she is still eight, and lets me snuggle her, I think it honestly helps the bonding process. I always wondered how hard it would be should I meet a man with children- I thought… I couldn’t possibly love another child as much as I love Ava- and it’s true. Because there are so many different types of love- it’s not confined to percentages and reason- it’s differencials, not equasions- so easily, I love both. I carried Ava with me, and have been her sole provider for almost 3 years. I ponder the changes Josh will bring in our lives. He’s steady, and responsible, and so full of heart. He’s beyond a catch- because the honesty, and the character this man posesses- they floor me. I hope we can continue to support each other, and bond with the kiddos.