Well, I’ve been telling anyone in earshot about my engagement. (My apologies to all my coworkers and the copy machine.) But… I’m excited, dammit.

I probably should start at the beginning, right? I dated a guy once, and he was my first true- headoversneakers, love. We moved in together in my college town and did things any 23 year old would do. I was crazy about him, and I broke his heart, twice. Well- his mom hated me. (And by hated I mean she could probably have killed me with the laser eye stare,) and his sister hated me… and after the breakup- his mother ended up dying of cancer. (Which, was incredibly sad.) Well- I thought the curse of M.M. had begun at that moment. I’ll admit something- I don’t know if it was a dream, I vaguely remember a dream- but somehow I got it in my head that his mother was out to destroy me. (Catholic guilt.) I thought that she wanted me to feel how he felt- blah, blah, blah- and I was him- during the whole B. mess, and I was on my knees begging for mercy. Then- I met Josh.

Maybe goddessbitchirony has a great sense of humor- but we told Josh’s mom and stepdad tonight. And by we told them, I mean- Josh decided it would be a super idea just to flip through our vacation photos until his mom eventually just brought up the fact that a huge diamond was residing on my left hand or look! There’s him on one knee in the picture! Really- it didn’t go like he wanted- (at all.) I couldn’t put my finger on the awkwardness. We had a nice dinner that his mom cooked. I didn’t eat lunch today- after taking one bite of the happyshinycafeteriafood and almost dying- so I was starving. I didn’t think anything of the fact that his dad hugged me ever so gingerly when they congratulated me…

…They thought I was pregnant…. And I didn’t find this out until my darling fiance called me on the way home because he thought it was really funny.

Now- on any other circumstance, or say- had this happened to someone else? I might have spit out my drink. There’s their son’s bride to be, choking down homecooked food and sitting with the family for pictures, and there’s Josh- casually mentioning, “yup. we’re getting married, and stuff.” And here’s their shocked faces, and then hugs- and there’s- I’m sure, the stream of phone calls that are going to happen that start like this.

Ring. Ring.


“She’s not pregnant. They’re just getting married because.”

“Oh. Okay.”


At least I didn’t have to be there to defend my childless womb, or the fact that if they asked me that to my face I would have busted out laughing, (and asked for another piece of cake.)

When my daughter grows up, I’ll tell her- Grandma figured I was just pregnant- and maybe then, it will still be funny. You think?