Summer is at the height of existance right now. The crackle and noise of fireworks is subsiding outside, and shorts are a pre-requisite of any activity. I begged for the perfect summer, in a way that I used every wish, and every prayer- I hoped so much it would turn into magic, that everything would fall into place.
I suppose this summer brought me Josh, and I supose in saying that- that the girl really didn’t meet the geek. She met herself, the quirky parts of herself that she preferred stay hidden, and the parts that she wore so desperately on her sleeve. I’ve grown up on this, haven’t I? The needless longings of a cynical girl have come to a head in a way I never would have imagined.
I’m one to constantly trace my path- over and over, almost as if my finger is rubbing into the already established-shallow groove that’s been left by prior journeys. How did I get here- how did this happen? (What needed to be in place?) I constantly ask myself these questions- I want to believe that there was a reason for all the pain- the biding of my time, the intricate web.
A friend asked earlier this week, “You’ve been asking us all- but what do YOU think love is?” For so long I thought love was constantly putting the other person first- proving yourself, and expecting nothing in return. Surely love meant sacrifice and came with a safety net. In real love- you don’t need a net- you don’t need to try to put the other person first. You don’t question being second. You are already a priority- without having to ask. You’re already secure enough in yourself that a safety net is un-needed- you’ve learned to land on your stilletto heels.
I’ve loved many people in my life- in different ways, and in different stages. I spoke words often wishing that the actions would follow. For the first time in my life- the actions preluded these words.
He’s my homerun. Wow.