I can still hear the first notes, sounding like a beacon of hope in the serious, (and pathetic,) dismal past that were my relationships. I hear the motion of his hands touching each string, as if maybe- this was the first time he played that song. Subsequently we based our ‘love’ for each other on songs. I made him cds and sent him lyrics, Death Cab for Cutie and Postal Service became the soundtrack for months of my life. Even when fighting, I’d be playing Alexi Murdoch, or Swell Season, and he’d be playing Postal Service.
I kinda now despise Deathcab. I mean- don’t get me wrong- I’ll still always click on the DCFC station on Pandora.com- I’ll hum along with every song, and my face will brighten a little when I recognize one of the famous lines- but part of me? Wants to tie Ben Gibbard up and make him listen to all the songs of his I fawned over. I want to know, if he REALLY meant he’d follow someone in the dark-y-ness, because I’m having getting anyone to follow me to say… the 3rd month. Maybe these bastards who write perfect songs could only realize … it’s self-deception, at best. Someone once told me, “My greatest loves have all left.” She’s entirely happy about this- and I think maybe she never listened to the very songs she fell in love with someone with, after they were gone.
I usually pull stuff from my library after a break-up. I tunes cannot compete with a ravaged spirit, so- I place them in a, “don’t do it, Kate,” folder and I try, (poorly,) from clicking on them and bawling. I was really lazy this time around. So- everything remained as it was, and I figured- that maybe, I wouldn’t be pissed off or want to give up really, great, music.
Fers gave up two of his favorite bands after his gf decided they weren’t meant to be. He had front row tickets for a show- and he never went. I credit his determination to not injure his psyche anymore- because I’m obviously not that smart- but… I wonder- how long does it take until you can listen without remembering? Does that ever happen?
But me? My tastes always vary. And currently playing is my mix of Simon and Garfunkel and She Likes Revenge. (She does, indeed.)