It’s been one of those weeks. (You know it’s one of those weeks when I’m on here at 3:21 am,) and I promise you- this probably isn’t going to make any coherent sense. (We’ll pretend it does.) Do me a favor and see if I’m right– the later it gets? The more ( ) ‘s there are. (Check it out.) Let it be known? I appearently hold conversations with myself, after 3:30am.
The week started out like any other, busrides and boxed lunches- and moved to the weekly relationship dump before Valentine’s day, a text message that actually read: “You are the most horrible person in the world,” and then an entirely perfect and inappropriate and meltyourmouthoff Friday night.
Which really? Is a bit like any other week.
I don’t know whether or not I should be screaming, “No! That’s a bad me!” (I just third-personed myself, poorly- and I totally apologize,) — or … “yes… yes- thank god.” (THANK GOD.)
Im so sick of breakups? I’ll say no to someone just so… I don’t have to deal with any more breakups. I’m so sick of stuff leading nowhere? I’ll walk away and not even waste my time- because let’s face it viewers… we know the predestined outcome. Cynical– oui. Absolutely needed? Si. I don’t know where the line gets drawn between being intelligent and not even investing- or not losing out on an opportunity. I’m personally- going to let this one ride out.
There’s very few people I’ve felt at home with- in any sense. It’s not that I’m an outsider, (in any sense of the word,) I just don’t find very many people whom, ‘get me.’ Those that immediately do? We’re freaking glued together for eternity, (OR ELSE.)
I met someone recently, (being the operative word,) and we clicked from that first moment. The first kiss was all sparkles and glee- and the conversations were great… but lacking that emotional connector- I didn’t really feel listened to- a disconnect took place, (you could say.) We talked tonight- under the guise of getting together for some freaking-amazing Truffle Cake, and a few laughs. (And a hot waiter named Jake- thank you French Meadow.) I felt sassypants in my new haircut, (which three days later? I still adore.) I felt like for once? I nailed how I wanted to feel on the outside- at what I felt on the inside. (You’re totally thinking I burned my hair off.. right?)
And we- for the first time in a long time- connected again. (I know what my right brain is saying: Burning fire in the freaking sky.. .dead bodies! Dead bodies! Mass Casualties! Run away! Ticking Bomb… RUNAWAYGODDDAMMIT.) So… I kissed him. (Because really… what else is there to do?) And this next sentance, will blow up in my face. (I know this? As I type it.)
-Bar None- Absolutely unbeatable to this moment. Best, Kiss, Ever.
There were the ambiguous apologies, the explanations, and the complete disregard for four, separate, entries in which I contemplated, for the first time in my life- actually becoming a flaming, non-sexing, lesbian. (You know- the girly kind… that just looks super pretty and likes chicks?) The apologies went far- and for the first time, when I looked in his eyes? I saw it. He now… gets me. Whether this getting will remain- is entirely up to the time. But we promised to try…
And I see something burning… falling from the sky.
And Mr. Optimistic? Says he’ll call me tomorrow.
-Seat of my pants, people.